Adult Children of Addicts

by Milliann Abrams, Reach Therapist Intern

The field of Marriage and Family therapy takes a systemic approach when viewing an issue. For example, when a family member is sick, we see that the illness and its impact spread further than the individual. This is exemplified in the research of adult children of alcoholics or addicts (ACoA). There is an assumption that if an alcoholic gets well, then the family will get well. This outdated belief focuses on the individual problem but not its impact on those close to the individual.

Research shows that growing up with an addicted parent has a profound influence on a child’s thoughts, attitudes, perceptions, feelings, worldview, etc. In addition, half of the children grow up to also suffer from an addiction themselves. Why does this happen? They do not drink. It is because the impact of another’s drinking still has an impact on us. We develop an experience with alcohol, even after the addiction is treated, even after we grow up. We see this systemic impact.

Reading this and wonder if you are an ACoA? Here are some common identifying traits:
1. ACoA guess at what normal behavior is.
2. ACoA have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. ACoA lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. ACoA judge themselves without mercy.
5. ACoA have difficulty having fun.
6. ACoA take themselves very seriously.
7. ACoA have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. ACoA overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. ACoA constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. ACoA usually feel that they are different from other people.
11. ACoA are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
12. ACoA are super responsible or super irresponsible.
13. ACoA are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

All of the research on ACoA shows different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, genders, and ages, but one common theme is commitment to self-growth. For additional information, help with self-growth, or to talk to someone familiar with this population set up an appointment with a Pfeiffer Institute Reach Therapist Intern today at (919) 941-2900 or go to pfeifferreach.org.
Information summarized from Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woitiz.

SPECIAL ANNOUCEMENT: On Thursday, July 10, Pfeiffer Institute Reach will host the first in a series of workshops about ACoA. The workshop is for family, friends, relatives, and employers of addicts. It will be a time to learn and talk about what happens to the children of addicts when they grow up, and what it means to be the child of an addict. Attendees will gain knowledge, understanding, and life skills. To reserve your place at the workshop, contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach at 919-941-2900 or contact@pfeifferreach.org.