Thursday, January 19, 2017

How to be in Control of Your Life

How to be in Control of Your Life

Olatunde Howard

I want what you want:  Mastery over “me.”  The key is the word “me.”  Think about that with me.  Think about any relationship problem you're having right now, as you read. Tell me if I'm right:  
  1. Someone is trying to get you to do something you don't want to do.
  2. You're trying to get someone to do something they don't want to do.
  3. Both 1&2.
Tell me if I'm wrong.  Really.  In the comment section, tell me if you have a relationship problem that doesn't involve 1-3.  Mine can be summed up nicely---by those three things.  But when I only focus on controlling my life, both I and my loved ones are happier.  You’ve probably experienced the same without knowing it.  I’ll show you how.

Think about your best friend.   When you think about him or her, what do you like about your relationship?  I know what I like about my best friend.  We like each other.  Because we like each other, we talk every other week…of our own free will.  I don’t make him call me, and he doesn’t make me call him. 

In other words, in friendships, especially best friendships, we don’t usually attempt to control each other.  But why is that?  (Stay tuned for part 2.)

Photo credit:

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor

Pfeiffer Institute Reach is generously supported by Pfeiffer University through the Marriage and Family Therapy Program. Pfeiffer has three campuses: the traditional undergraduate campus in Misenheimer, the graduate and degree completion programs in Charlotte, and of course the graduate programs in Raleigh/Durham. Pfeiffer is a small, private, Methodist-affiliated school dedicated to servant leadership and lifelong learning. Check out these ads, and feel free to explore the website. And thank them for supporting Pfeiffer Institute Reach and the valuable service provided to the community.
Check out this video: Learn About Pfeiffer

Friday, July 15, 2016

Getting Through When Things Are Tough - Do Something!

I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to turn on the news. Several times this week I started my day hearing about shootings, bombings, fires, and now vans. It's enough to make you want to stay in bed and pull the covers over your head! Or hit something!

Neither response helps you or anyone else, though. So you get up and keep going, even when you feel overwhelmed and powerless. What can you to to make a difference - for yourself, for your family, for your community?
The most important thing is to do something. Staying still is to be stuck, to be hopeless. Instead, do something different each day. It doesn't have to be a huge change -

  • Smile on your commute to work or school (and turn off talk radio). Research shows that smiling helps change your mood and the attitude of those around you.
  • Cuddle with your children, pets, and/or significant other. Research shows that humans need physical contact to confirm that they're connected and loved.
  • Take a break, especially in nature. I know it's hot, but get out early and/or in the shade. Being in the natural world has uplifting effects on mood and attitude.
  • Take care of yourself. The "put your own oxygen on first" story is well-known for a reason - it's true! At Pfeiffer Institute Reach you can talk to a competent professional at an affordable rate. You might be surprised how much better it can feel to talk to someone who's there to listen.
  • Help someone else. Volunteer, pay it forward, help load groceries for a stranger - something to remind yourself that you can make a difference, even if it doesn't make the news.
Let's hope the news gets better soon. In the meantime, do what you can to take care of yourself and your neighbor. Come see us to Reach for a better tomorrow!

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Celebrate Independence!

Happy Independence Day Weekend! Enjoy your time with family and friends. Pfeiffer Institute Reach will be closed Monday, 7/4/16, but will reopen for regular hours on Tuesday. 
Reach for a better tomorrow!

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Friday, April 22, 2016

Good Grief

by Annette Snider, Reach Therapist Intern

Good Grief! Where did that saying originate?

 It has been suggested that “Good Grief” is probably a censored expression used as a euphemism for “Good God" or "Good Lord”. Something said when a person is annoyed or irritated.  Interestingly, being annoyed or irritated may be indicators that you may be dealing with issues of grief. We typically consider grief to be an appropriate emotion when we have lost a love one, which it is. However, a person can experience the symptoms of grief for a whole host of reasons. A few of those reasons could be a loss of a job, loss of a pet, loss of a friendship, loss of a personal dream or a romantic relationship. The loss of anything important to you could cause feelings of grief.

With a loss there are often unspoken expectations as to how long it should take for you to “get over it.” Grief is a healthy emotion that is also a good marker in the days, weeks, and months following a loss to assess your recovery process. Unfortunately for some, if recovering from your loss doesn’t happen in the culturally prescribed amount of time it can feel pretty lonely and isolating. Grief that has not been processed or has been suppressed can cause increased irritability, numbness, bitterness, detachment, preoccupation with loss, and an inability to show or experience joy. Grief can manifest in your physical body as well, headaches, digestive problems, fatigue, chest pains, and sore muscles may be symptoms of prolonged grief.

 Loss isn’t something most people can walk away from without an emotional response. Grief is the emotional reaction experienced when someone or something you love has been removed from you. The intensity of the grief is based on the individual and the significance of their loss.  If you or someone you know is struggling with a loss, we at Pfeiffer Institute Reach want to be a resource you can come to for help. Do your grief some good and give us a call (919) 941-2900 or send an email to