How to be in Control of Your Life (Part 2)

So why is it that best friends usually don’t try to control each other?  I think it’s because best friendships begin and continue with a fundamentally different assumption than romantic relationships, or parent/child relationships, an assumption that is actually the recipe for any and every healthy relationship, a recipe summed up in one word:

Differentiation:

The balance of autonomy and intimacy

The ability to separate our thoughts from our emotions

And ourselves from others.

Best friends seem to naturally blend autonomy and intimacy, balancing togetherness and separateness.  Yes, they do still “own” each other; they still say, “This  is my best friend.”  But it’s possible to have more than one best friend, or to share the best friendship with other friends, associates, romantic partners, or parents.  This is because friends tend to be drawn together by a unique commonality they  share.  C.S. Lewis says it well in his book “The Four Loves.”

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one person says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” 

In other words, because friends aren’t primarily focused on each other or their ownership of each other, they tend to not seek control of each other.  But in relationships where the other is the focus, where there is a beautiful and mutual ownership, we may want to control what belongs to us, or who belongs to us.  Spouses belong to each other.  Parents belong to their children, and children belong to their parents.  When we own something, or someone, we tend to want to determine and be certain of its actions, or their actions.

(Concluded in Part 3)

FREE Couples Workshop with Bonus Children's Workshop

Pfeiffer Institute Reach is offering a FREE Couples Workshop designed to help couples improve their relationship through learning more about their partner’s love language and what that means, healthy ways to deal with conflict, and how to grow together when changes in life are inevitable.
 The workshop will be held on Thursday, March 19 from 6-7:30 pm.

The topics to be covered include:
• The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
• Conflict Management
• Growing Together

There will also be a workshop offered for the children ages 6-12 while the parents are attending the couple’s workshop. They will get a chance to improve skills such as communication and emotional self-regulation in a creative way.

There is limited seating, so RSVP today by calling Pfeiffer Institute Reach at 919-941-2900

Ready to Spring Forward?

by Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT
Clinic Director

If you're like me, you're probably quite ready for this winter to be over! I can't remember the last time the South got this much snow, ice, sleet, and just GRAY. Here at Pfeiffer Institute Reach, we're going to encourage the new season to appear by hosting Spring Forward, a FREE workshop for couples, on Monday, March 10, from 6-8pm. Participants can be at any relationship stage -- dating, engaged, cohabiting, married, with or without children. The workshop will be an interactive and educational opportunity to learn about communication skills, trust, and sex! Childcare will be provided, and you will have the opportunity to schedule an appointment with a Therapist Intern to discuss what you learned about your relationship and how you can implement your new skills.

Please RSVP so we know how many people to prepare for. Call 919-941-2900 and tell us you're ready to Spring Forward!

Also remember that you should move your clocks ahead (spring forward!) this Sunday, March 9.

Spring Forward FREE Couples Workshop, Monday, 3/10, 6-8pm

Whether you need some help tuning in, or just a relationship tune up, join us on March 10th at Pfeiffer Institute Reach for our Spring Forward Couples Workshop. We will spend two hours discussing communication, trust, and sex! For couples who have been together for years or decades and couples who are just starting out, this workshop will teach you new ways to overcome common issues and help you to keep your relationship fresh.  Please call to reserve your spot today! Childcare provided.

February: The Month of Couples

by Milliann Abrams
   
     As February is now upon us, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. It is a holiday that couples spend together, celebrating their love. It is also a time to think about what factors go into that relationship to make it so successful. Communication, trust, and commitment are certainly important qualities in maintaining a successful relationship. What else maintains that successful, satisfying relationship? Closeness? Satisfaction? Intimacy? Happiness? Similarity? Differentness?

     Each couple is unique. What works for one couple might not work for another. It is important to be aware of your own needs and wants and also your partners when in a romantic relationship. One way to do this is through check-ins with your partner, spending time addressing how you both feel about the relationship.

     Hitting speed bumps or obstacles can be common in romantic relationships, especially new ones where both partners are still learning about each other and what it means to be a couple. Resolving those issues successfully is key to a healthy functioning relationship where both partners are satisfied.

     Sometimes relationships get tested, but these factors help to keep couples bonded. If you are struggling with any of these elements, want to strengthen your bond with your partner, need help resolving any obstacles, or are just curious, Pfeiffer Institute Reach offers Prepare/Enrich assessments and therapy for couples. Make an appointment to see a Prepare/ and Enrich- trained therapist intern today!