How to be in Control of Your Life (Part 2)

So why is it that best friends usually don’t try to control each other?  I think it’s because best friendships begin and continue with a fundamentally different assumption than romantic relationships, or parent/child relationships, an assumption that is actually the recipe for any and every healthy relationship, a recipe summed up in one word:

Differentiation:

The balance of autonomy and intimacy

The ability to separate our thoughts from our emotions

And ourselves from others.

Best friends seem to naturally blend autonomy and intimacy, balancing togetherness and separateness.  Yes, they do still “own” each other; they still say, “This  is my best friend.”  But it’s possible to have more than one best friend, or to share the best friendship with other friends, associates, romantic partners, or parents.  This is because friends tend to be drawn together by a unique commonality they  share.  C.S. Lewis says it well in his book “The Four Loves.”

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one person says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” 

In other words, because friends aren’t primarily focused on each other or their ownership of each other, they tend to not seek control of each other.  But in relationships where the other is the focus, where there is a beautiful and mutual ownership, we may want to control what belongs to us, or who belongs to us.  Spouses belong to each other.  Parents belong to their children, and children belong to their parents.  When we own something, or someone, we tend to want to determine and be certain of its actions, or their actions.

(Concluded in Part 3)

Fun in Relationships

by Annette Snider, Reach Therapist Intern

Today is April Fools’ Day or also called All Fools’ Day. This is a designated day of the year were practical jokes or pranks are played on friends, family, co-workers, etc., all in the name of a little fun! The positive sides of an April Fools’ Day prank are the health benefits. A good belly laugh is a great stress reliever and is also good for reducing strain on the heart.{1} It’s a great feeling to know that you can have fun and play a practical joke on someone, and when it is all said and done they will laugh along with you. That is a sign of a healthy relationship, the ability to be playful and have fun together. 

A question to ask yourself is…Are you having enough fun in your relationships to reap the health benefits associated with laughter and playfulness? Think about it? Are you a person that is fun to be around? Have you ever assessed your current relationships based on a FUN factor? There is so much negativity that inundates our realities that usually fun and games gets put on the back burner. Well, here’s a bit of trivia, April is also National Humor Month and a great time to put laughter, fun, and games as a priority in your life and your relationships. If you can’t think of the last time you had a good laugh or had a good time, you might want to consider making some changes.

We at Pfeiffer Institute Reach understand the need for having and maintaining a work/life balance. A balanced life includes making time for fun. Playing and laughing is a great way of taking care of yourself and when you do it shows!  Don’t fool yourself today, if making time for fun is something not on your calendar, Reach for the phone and give us a call, we can help. (919) 941-2900.

{1} Why April Fools’ Day is Good For Your Health – Health News and Views". News.Health.com. 1 April 2013. Retrieved 1 April 2014.

Good Friday

by Annette Snider, Reach Therapist Intern

TGIF takes on a whole new meaning today. Good Friday in the Christian faith is a day that represents an amazing dichotomy, simultaneous love and suffering, with sacrifice and forgiveness. For many, today is a day of introspection and reflection. God, the Universe, a Higher Power, or your own moral compass at times, will guide you to consider your place in the bigger picture of life. To look honestly at yourself and ask the hard questions…questions like: 

“Do I lean more toward sacrifice or convenience?”
“Am I more likely to forgive or blame?”
“Do I purposefully avoid the areas in my life that are painful?”
“How loving are my relationships, and what am I willing to go through to make them healthy?”
These are scary questions because to obtain the answers that we want may mean we will be require to change, and change is difficult.

Good Friday was all about a difficult change. A major shift, so life could be experienced in a better way. What will your Good Friday be about? Is it time for you to make some shifts in your life or relationships? Is it time to stop holding a grudge or avoiding pain? The statement, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be well?” came from a sermon I heard many years ago and I’ve never forgotten it. Good Friday is all about being well; it’s about embracing what is scary and believing for a better tomorrow. Reach for it: (919) 941-2900.