How to be in Control of Your Life

How to be in Control of Your Life

Olatunde Howard

I want what you want:  Mastery over “me.”  The key is the word “me.”  Think about that with me.  Think about any relationship problem you're having right now, as you read. Tell me if I'm right:  

1. Someone is trying to get you to do something you don't want to do.
2. You're trying to get someone to do something they don't want to do.
3. Both 1&2.

Tell me if I'm wrong.  Really.  In the comment section, tell me if you have a relationship problem that doesn't involve 1-3.  Mine can be summed up nicely---by those three things.  But when I only focus on controlling my life, both I and my loved ones are happier.  You’ve probably experienced the same without knowing it.  I’ll show you how.

Think about your best friend.   When you think about him or her, what do you like about your relationship?  I know what I like about my best friend.  We like each other.  Because we like each other, we talk every other week…of our own free will.  I don’t make him call me, and he doesn’t make me call him. 

In other words, in friendships, especially best friendships, we don’t usually attempt to control each other.  But why is that?  (Stay tuned for part 2.)

Photo credit: https://flic.kr/p/Le8ZAc

Anger: It's What You Do With It That Counts

by Annette Snider, Reach Therapist Intern

Have you ever blown up at someone and after you cooled down you felt guilty and wondered… “Why am I so angry?” Anger is an emotion that is neither good nor bad. It is a normal healthy emotion and feeling angry isn’t the problem, it’s how you handle that emotion that makes the difference.  If the way you handle your anger is hurting yourself or someone else it might be time to take a look at what is really going on.

Out of control anger can hurt your physical health.  Chronic anger increases your likelihood of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, insomnia, higher cholesterol levels, and a weakened immune system.

Out of control anger can hurt your mental health. Chronic anger can lead to stress, depression, and can consume a lot of your mental energy. It can make it more difficult to concentrate, see the big picture, and diminishes your ability to enjoy life.

Out of control anger can hurt your relationships with others.  Explosive anger can be very damaging on children and leave lifelong scars on the people you love most. It can get in the way of friendships and work or school relationships. Chronic anger puts those around you on pins and needles because they never know what will trigger an outburst.

So, back to the original question… Why am I so angry? For some of us, anger is the emotion that is used to cover up other feelings. If your knee jerk reaction in intense situations is anger, there’s a good chance that your anger is covering up some of the primary feelings like embarrassment, vulnerability, hurt, shame, or insecurity.

If you are ready to get a handle on how anger is controlling you, give us a call at Pfeiffer Institute Reach (919) 941-2900. We’re here for you!

Children's Social Skills Group - NEW DATE: September 19

Due to scheduling issues, the Children's Social Skills Group will now start Saturday, September 19, from 10:30-11:30am. The group will meet every other Saturday (9/19, 10/3, 10/17, 10/31, 11/14, 11/21). 

RSVP today! 919-941-2900 or Pfeiffer.Reach@Pfeiffer.edu

    The social skills group offered at Pfeiffer Institute Reach provides children ages 5-8 with the opportunity to increase social skills and peer interactions.  The group will sharpen social skills common for this age group, including meeting peers, maintaining friendships, and sharing.  In addition, the group will focus on helping children to respond appropriately to challenging social situations such as losing, apologizing, and identifying and managing emotions.  Children will learn how to identify emotions, and connect emotional experiences to physical feelings through interactive and visual activities.  The group will focus on helping children to manage difficult emotions, such as anger and fear, and connect emotional experiences to social interactions through role-plays and group member interaction. 

    The social skills group is a great opportunity for any child who is experiencing Autism, behavioral issues, ADHD, social delays, anxiety, or emotional dysregulation.  The purpose of the group is to help children learn appropriate social responses, interact well with peers, and regulate emotion.

    The group facilitators, Toni Nicolsen and Nicole McCarthy, are advanced graduate students and therapist interns at Pfeiffer Institute Reach.  Toni has previous experience leading social skills groups for children with behavioral disorders and social anxiety.  She enjoys the interactive nature of a group setting and helping children engage in social and emotional experiences through hands-on activities and building peer relationships.  Nicole has been working with young children for several years, and has experience helping children to improve their social/emotional skills.  She enjoys helping children to better understand their emotions, while giving them tools to cope and express themselves in positive ways.

RSVP today! 919-941-2900 or Pfeiffer.Reach@Pfeiffer.edu