Parenting: Being the "Bad Guy"

by Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

Being a parent is perhaps the most rewarding, and important relationship one can have.  Not only will the parent/guardian have a significant effect on the child’s life, the child will also have an equal influence on the life of the parent.  For this reason, it is of dire importance that parents raise their children in a manner that prepares them for life outside of “home,” and to also instill in them qualities such as: respect, courtesy, obedience, compassion, and benevolence.   

Especially in the case of single parents, particularly those who have children at a relatively young age, it is not uncommon for parent-child bond to be very close-knit, or even enmeshed.  This is by no means a negative quality to have in any kind of relationship (being close to one another).  However, individuals must understand their role in whatever type of relationship they are in, which can begin by constructing a detailed image of how they view that role.  While is it great to have a friendly rapport with your children, it can become harmful to the relationship when a parents’ kindness is misinterpreted or exploited.    

Children naturally have a high level of curiosity, and will often test their boundaries; particularly ones put in place by their parents.  This is not reason to label a child “bad” or a “problem child.”  In fact this is an essential part of child development, and allows the child to learn what is right and wrong.  These lessons come from their environment as a whole, but parents also play a very special role in this part of development.  While it may be difficult to chastise, or as some parents describe as “being the bad guy,” it is such a significant facet of the child’s life.

Parents are responsible for showing their children unconditional love, but are also charged with teaching them principles, which will often entail telling them when are wrong.  Though it may be easier to be the “good guy,” parents must realize that their children will have plenty of friends in their lifetime.  What children need from their parent(s) is something that cannot be easily replaced.  The values that they receive from their parent(s) will accompany them throughout their lifetime.  As you are creating your image of how you view parenting, consider that everything you will do for them, whether they like it or not, is done out of love.  

One day, when your children are adults, your relationship with them will change.  They will realize all that you have done for them and will be thankful for the times you lifted them up, and also for times in which you were tough on them.