Allowing Ourselves to Grieve

by Liberty Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

We all experience grief at some point in our lives. It can be grief for the loss of a family pet, grief for the dreams we once had, or it can be grief over the loss of a loved one. The one thing in common with all types of grief is that it hurts.

Because we all grieve differently and in our own time frame, the pain related to our loss may occur immediately, intermittently over the years, or it may sneak up on us when we least expect it. Maybe while looking through a photo album you see a picture of your lost loved one, and the tears flow and the emotions are real, and the pain is raw.

Often, we don’t know how to deal with such heavy emotions. Some of us can compartmentalize and keep the pain separate from our everyday responsibilities, but some of us cannot separate ourselves from the pain of our loss and the memories of our loved one. We are left feeling alone and empty and wondering what to do and how to move forward.

The most important thing to remember is that regardless of how strongly or how long you feel your pain, it is your pain, and it is not abnormal to feel sad for an extended period of time. No one can control how long you hurt, even you can’t control it. There is hope though, and there are ways to work through your pain.

First, we must allow ourselves to experience all of the emotions involved with loss. We have to let ourselves feel sad because our loved one is no longer here. We are allowed to feel anger and hurt, sorrow and loneliness; we are even allowed to feel relief that our loved one no longer hurts and feel happiness at memories we may have shared. None of these feelings are abnormal. It is okay to allow yourself to feel these emotions, and to allow yourself time to heal.

The one thing we cannot let ourselves do in our grief, is get stuck. Often, we are so sad that we forget to remember that we are still alive; we still have responsibilities and people who love us and who need our love. We cannot let ourselves be so bound with pain that we let it wrap itself around us and take us with it. No. We must continue to live our lives and learn how to live without the one we lost. This is not an easy thing to do, but you can do it and we can help.

If you find yourself stuck in sadness and unable to get through the loss of someone you loved, please contact the Pfeiffer Institute Reach at (919) 941-2900, we will go through this with you. You are not alone.