“Good Enough” Health??

By Jacquie Beech, Reach Therapist Intern

     If the bar is set to perfection, who will reach it?? Who will even attempt it?? But, what if the bar was set to “good enough??”  Would more people reach for it?? I believe so.
     This concept of “good enough” has been applied in a number of ways by many researchers, psychologists, therapist, counselors, etc. – good enough parenting, good enough marriage, and good enough sex, for example.  May not sound very appealing, but might actually be a roundabout way of making things better.  The idea is that if we have the mindset that things have to be perfect, then upon realizing “perfect” won’t happen, many people give up.  However, if we set the bar to something humanly possible, more people might just give it a shot.
     Life in today’s world is often full of never ending to do lists, splitting one’s time and spreading oneself so thin that nothing ends up getting done well.  In that case, the answer may sometimes be to give up trying altogether.  Why bother??  However, what if we adjust our mindset?? For example, if we say that my house may not be “perfect” but by throwing in a load of laundry before I leave for work, it will be “better.”  I may not be able to spend all the time I want with my kids (in my ideal image of the “perfect” family) – but I can sneak out and grab breakfast with my kid since my boss said we can come in late today.   Doesn’t mean I am a “perfect” parent, but it does mean I had some unstructured, free time with my kid.  I don’t eat the “perfect” diet, but I can cut back on how much sugar I put in my coffee each day – that does mean my health is better.  At the end of the day, my laundry is further ahead than it was, I ended up spending an unplanned morning with my kid, and my sugar intake was better – in all of those areas:  not “perfect,” but “good enough.”
     These are a handful of ways that we can come to more realistic applications of what we can do and maybe leave some time open to enjoy the life we are living.  Here are some more ways to achieve “good enough” status:

• Try meditating.  Research studies show over and over that meditation is good for our mood, immune system, coping with stress, and improves the quality of our relationships.  We may not become a Zen Buddhist, but by meditating 3-5 minutes per day, we get started on improving all those areas.  (And, who knows, over time, maybe we get up to 20 or 30 minutes of meditation!)
• Walk more.  Feeling like we aren’t able to do the 5 am workout at the gym may lead us to believe we are failures in our physical well-being, therefore, why try?? What if we start by parking where we’d have to walk more or take the stairs or walk during lunch – not “perfect” shape, but better.
• Eat healthier.  We may feel inundated by various diets and foods to eat or foods to avoid, etc.  We probably all have a basic idea of what it would mean in our own lives to eat healthier – one slice of pizza instead of 2 or 3; cut out one soda per day, add a smoothie for breakfast.  None of these in and of themselves will change our overall weight or health in a week, but doing one of these will make us healthier than we were before and if it’s a manageable change (versus a drastic one like “I won’t eat any more sugar EVER”) it’s more likely to continue
• Ease off electronics where possible.  It may not be reasonable (or possible) to live without a computer or a smart phone, but we can do it for an hour a day or at the dinner table.  

     The point is, the idea of “good enough” gives us enough mental space where we don’t feel like we have to be perfect, which can sometimes lead to giving up entirely.  The idea of “good enough” might be just enough motivation to help us do that one extra chore or spend a few minutes doing one thing that’s a little healthier and we end up doing far more than we thought possible.
     “Good enough” is another way of introducing balance into our lives.  One of the services we offer at Reach is to help people discover their own balance – what’s healthy for YOU, what change is possible for YOU.  Come visit us at Reach to have a partner as you make “good enough” even better.  What are more areas where you can make your life “good enough?”

Postpartum Depression Workshop and Walk

In coordination with Climb Out of the Darkness, an organization that raises awareness about Postpartum Depression (PPD), Pfeiffer Institute Reach will be facilitating a therapeutic workshop on Wednesday, April 16, from 6-8pm. The workshop is for women affected with PPD, as well as their family members. During this workshop we will discuss the affects of PPD as well as possible coping mechanisms and supports for women and their families.  To register for the workshop please call 919.941.2900 or e-mail contact@pfeifferreach.org. 

Climb Out of the Darkness will be hosting a walk on Saturday, June 21, 9:00 am at Shelley Lake in Raleigh. To register for the walk 

1. Go to http://www.crowdrise.com/COTD2014
2. Click 'Register', and select 'Join A Climb'. We are the North Carolina - Raleigh group.
3. Tell everyone you know to help out!

Lets help the women we love! 

Allowing Ourselves to Grieve

by Liberty Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

We all experience grief at some point in our lives. It can be grief for the loss of a family pet, grief for the dreams we once had, or it can be grief over the loss of a loved one. The one thing in common with all types of grief is that it hurts.

Because we all grieve differently and in our own time frame, the pain related to our loss may occur immediately, intermittently over the years, or it may sneak up on us when we least expect it. Maybe while looking through a photo album you see a picture of your lost loved one, and the tears flow and the emotions are real, and the pain is raw.

Often, we don’t know how to deal with such heavy emotions. Some of us can compartmentalize and keep the pain separate from our everyday responsibilities, but some of us cannot separate ourselves from the pain of our loss and the memories of our loved one. We are left feeling alone and empty and wondering what to do and how to move forward.

The most important thing to remember is that regardless of how strongly or how long you feel your pain, it is your pain, and it is not abnormal to feel sad for an extended period of time. No one can control how long you hurt, even you can’t control it. There is hope though, and there are ways to work through your pain.

First, we must allow ourselves to experience all of the emotions involved with loss. We have to let ourselves feel sad because our loved one is no longer here. We are allowed to feel anger and hurt, sorrow and loneliness; we are even allowed to feel relief that our loved one no longer hurts and feel happiness at memories we may have shared. None of these feelings are abnormal. It is okay to allow yourself to feel these emotions, and to allow yourself time to heal.

The one thing we cannot let ourselves do in our grief, is get stuck. Often, we are so sad that we forget to remember that we are still alive; we still have responsibilities and people who love us and who need our love. We cannot let ourselves be so bound with pain that we let it wrap itself around us and take us with it. No. We must continue to live our lives and learn how to live without the one we lost. This is not an easy thing to do, but you can do it and we can help.

If you find yourself stuck in sadness and unable to get through the loss of someone you loved, please contact the Pfeiffer Institute Reach at (919) 941-2900, we will go through this with you. You are not alone.