February Special: First Couples Session FREE!

Relationship Dynamics and Feedback Loops

     One of my favorite things about using the Prepare/Enrich assessment is the amazing amount of useful information contained in the report. For example, there are sections on personal stress, communication, conflict resolution, and much more. In the space of an hour, the couple provides detailed information that I, as the trained facilitator, can then use to help target and guide our sessions together. Very efficient and effective!
     One of the first sections I review is Relationship Dynamics, which consists of four elements: assertiveness, self-confidence, avoidance, and partner dominance. As implied by the word “dynamics” (according to Dictionary.com, “pertaining to or characterized by energy or effective action”), the elements interact with each other in particular ways. For example, assertiveness, or the ability to “say what you mean and mean what you say” without being mean, is related to self-confidence (how positive you feel about yourself and your abilities). It makes sense that someone who has high self-confidence is able to be assertive, and vice versa. Likewise, someone low in assertiveness will probably express low self-confidence. We call that type of mutual influence a “feedback loop.” Because these two elements relate in this way, changes made to one will affect the other; if a trained facilitator helps a partner be more assertive in his/her communication, that partner’s his/her self-confidence will likely increase.

     Similarly, avoidance – the tendency to “beat around the bush” rather than explicitly state wants or needs – is related to partner dominance, or how much one feels dominated by their partner. Again, the connection makes sense: when a partner feels controlled, s/he is unlikely to feel s/he can speak up plainly. In this case, though, the feedback loop has negative consequences: as avoidance increases, partner dominance is likely to increase as well, which is detrimental for the relationship. A trained facilitator can still use this loop to advantage by decreasing avoidance (i.e., helping a partner clearly express wants and needs), which allows the “dominating” partner to step back.
     As you can see, just the information contained in this one section of the report tells me a lot about the couple – about each partner, about the relationship, and about where I can make suggestions for change. Like the entire Prepare/Enrich assessment, this section is not about who is to blame or how one person is wrong. Both partners are involved in problem creation and maintenance, as well as resolution and improvement. The information about Relationship Dynamics helps me know how to help the couple make changes to strengthen and improve their relationship – that’s what it’s all about!
     Remember, there are several Therapist Interns at Pfeiffer Institute Reach who are trained Prepare/Enrich facilitators, and the services are affordable. Schedule your appointment today! 919-941-2900 or pfeiffer.reach@pfeiffer.edu

Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT
This post can also be found on the Prepare/Enrich blog: https://blog.prepare-enrich.com/2015/11/relationship-dynamics-feedback-loops/

Couples Therapy According to Kristen and Dax

For a change, some great news is making the social media rounds: Couples therapy can be good for relationships! Real-life couple Kristen Bell (Frozen, Veronica Mars) and Dax Shepard (Parenthood) gave an interview to Good Housekeeping where they candidly spoke about attending couples therapy. It's a fun interview, and I particularly wanted to point out a couple of quotes.

Kristen said "I didn't realize that I needed a much bugger toolbox to have confrontations and disagreements with people." Being in a relationship can be wonderful, but it also means that person will be able to make you more upset than you ever thought you could be! Couples therapy is a safe place to discuss difficult topics and emotions, and get "tools" (e.g., communication skills, specific behavioral strategies) for dealing with inevitable conflict. Kristen also compares going to therapy to using a personal trainer or a recipe - note that you're doing hard work, but the results are worth it!

Dax said "In my previous relationship, we went to couples'therapy at the end, and that's often too late. You can't go after nine years and start figuring out what patterns you're in." It's true that most people treat couples therapy as a last resort - what you try before hiring a lawyer. It's much more effective to use couples therapy as a preventive and maintenance strategy - learn what to do before things get bad, and then get regular boosters, since it's easier to get lazy!

Kristen said "There may be something that really hurt your feelings that you're scared to bring up. Go talk about it with a therapist who can mediate. You'll walk out of the room feeling like you're [on the same] team." The ultimate goal of therapy is to have partners working together for a healthy relationship, knowing that they can always come back if needed!

Remember, you can get low-cost couples therapy at Pfeiffer Institute Reach. Call 919-941-2900 or email contact@pfeifferreach.org today for your appointment!
Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT
Clinic Director, Pfeiffer Institute Reach 

FIRST COUPLE SESSION FREE!

For the entire month of February, 

the first couple session at

Pfeiffer Institute Reach is FREE!!

In couple therapy:

© Recognize and enhance the strengths in your relationship

© Learn how to “fight fair”

© Facilitate difficult conversations with your partner

© Increase insight and  understanding

© Revive your relationship and increase intimacy

© Subsequent sessions are only $30, sliding scale available

© Individual, couple, and family therapy

© Appointments available day, evening, and weekends

© Confidential, professional, affordable

Reach for a better tomorrow!

919-941-2900         contact@pfeifferreach.org