Self-Care

by Katharine Sileo, Reach Therapist Intern

Everyone has a certain reservoir of emotional energy. What do you do to refill that reservoir when it begins to run low? How do you recharge your emotional energy? Do you let it get drained? Why not top it off daily?
Self-Care is something that is often overlooked and misunderstood. People think that they do not have time to take part in self-care practices or that doing one small thing every day would not make enough of an impact for it to be worth it in their everyday lives. However, if you talk to someone who takes the time to participate in self-care techniques they will happily disagree. My hope is that by the end of this post you will challenge yourself to initiate a self-care routine.
Why?
Taking care of yourself not only helps you but everyone around you. If you think that you have no time to take care of yourself because you are too busy with work, school, a spouse or children, guess what? They are not getting the best of you! Take at least 10 minutes a day to do something simple and you will be a better you which will benefit all of those people that you take care of!
When?
Right when you wake up, at lunch, on your way home from work, right after work, before bed. Any time is the right time.
What?
Anything that relieves stress!
• Rather than unloading the dishwasher while you have your cup of coffee, sit on the porch and enjoy the breeze, take a few deep breaths and appreciate the day
• Sit outside, notice what shape the clouds are like you did when you were a kid
• When you get home from work, take a bath rather than rushing through a shower
• Pour yourself a glass of wine and read a book before bed
• Take a walk with your spouse rather than turning on the TV
• Call a college friend and catch up
• Laugh!
• Meditate- download free guided mediation off the internet or onto your smart phone

Open House

invites you to attend a 

Ribbon Cutting and Open House

for

Pfeiffer Institute Reach

A clinical service of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program

offering affordable individual, couple, and family therapy

Friday, September 20, 2013

3:30 - 5:30pm

Pfeiffer Institute Reach

600 Airport Boulevard, Suite 600

Morrisville, NC 27560

Reception, light hors d'oeuvres, and clinic tour

Special Guests:

Michael C.  Miller

President, Pfeiffer University

The Honorable Jackie Holcombe

Mayor, City of Morrisville

Wanda Nicholson

Executive Director, NC Marriage and Family Therapy Licensing Board

Dr. Susan Wilkie

Director, Pfeiffer University Marriage and Family Therapy Program

Reach for a better tomorrow!

Meaning Making with Grief

by Hope Harris, Reach Therapist Intern

      Grief is a typical response to loss; more specifically, a reaction to losing someone or something with which/whom you have formed a bond.  Although those grieving are normally focused on the emotional response to loss, there are also physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, philosophical responses to grief. Most people associate grieving with the death of a loved one; however, people can experience a variety of losses throughout their lifetime, such as unemployment, ill health, or the end of a relationship. 

How people cope with grief is different in every circumstance. What research has shown is that the spiritual aspect of coping is very important in relation to finding meaning behind whatever loss they are experiencing. Miller (2007) found that 90% of people in the United States identify themselves as religious or spiritual. When coping with grief, people often times turn to religion of some sort. Pargament and Abu Raiya (2007) suggest that this could be due to the lack of resources our world has to offer; and religion helps explain things people cannot seem to understand. 

So, how does meaning make a difference when coping after experiencing a loss? Murphey  (2008) believes that making meaning is a clear part of the coping process. Humans are constantly forming meaning to better understand themselves and life, to generate purpose, and to shape goals and expectations for the future. Research is showing that when people turn to religion or spirituality after a loss, they are able to find more positive meanings connected to their experience, and therefore are better able to cope with the situation. Since we know that making meaning is beneficial to positively coping with loss, it seems that when one is grieving, they should consider learning more about spirituality or religion.

References

Miller, M. (2007). The spiritual side of recovery. Harvard Mental Health Letter ,23,6.

Murphy, S. A. (2008). The loss of a child: Sudden death and extended illness perspectives. In

M.S. Stroebe, R. O. Hansson, H. Schut, & W. Stroebe (Eds.), Handbook of bereavement

research and practice: Advances in theory and intervention  (pp. 375–395). Washington,

DC: American Psychological Association.

Pargament, K. I., & Abu Raiya, H. (2007). A decade of research on the psychology of religion

and coping: Things we assumed and lessons we learned. Psyke & Logos,  28, 742–766.

Stress Management

by EJ Hanks, Reach Therapist Intern

Stress is all around us.  It can arise in many forms including dealing with monthly bills, coordinating family duties, handling school responsibilities, professional commitments, and major life events, such as births, marriages, divorces, and deaths.  Sometimes you may feel that you are losing control and cannot keep up with the demands of your life.  Stress can make you irritable, angry, and frustrated toward everyone around you.  Feeling anxious and emotional or having difficulty eating and sleeping can also be responses to stress. Without good stress management skills, our health and relationships with others will suffer. While certain stressors are ultimately unavoidable, we can minimize how we react to stress by finding a healthy and manageable balance. 

Managing stress is all about taking charge: of your thoughts, emotions, calendar, and the way you react to problems.  Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life.  While not always obvious, what are the regular stressors in your life and how you deal with them?  Keeping a stress log or journal can help you spot the things that cause you to feel stressed and how you responded to the event.  Once you recognize these stressors, you can begin to take action to lessen their impact on your life.

Successful coping with these stressful events requires rearranging our lives to decrease the demands on us and, more importantly, learning new coping skills to increase the resources available to us.  Some tips on helping decrease your reactions to stressful events:

• Lead a healthy lifestyle – Eat nutritious, well balanced meals; get plenty of sleep; exercise

• Avoid drugs and alcohol – May seem to help cope temporarily, but they cause greater long term and permanent harm

• Increase your social network – Talk to family, friends and others; participate in community or other social activities to make new friends

• Do something you enjoy -  Take up a hobby or try something new and exciting

• Relax – Take a break when you are feeling overwhelmed; try mindfulness, yoga, or get a massage

• Recognize when you need more help – When your methods of stress reduction do not seem to work or you are thinking about suicide, see your doctor or therapist. 

Some stress relievers may work better than others for your individual situation.  If one method does not work, try another one.  Keep a journal or a list of the types of events and the successful type of stress reliever that you used.

If you're looking for extra support and guidance through dealing with stress, another challenging situation, or you're just ready to move in a new direction in your life, Therapist Interns at Pfeiffer Institute Reach look forward to working with you, your partner, or your family to achieve your goals.

Setting a Summer Schedule: What to do with your Children

by Cherrelle Davis, Reach Therapist Intern

          Summer is finally here and your children are probably well into their second or third week out of school. You’re probably wondering how you’re going to occupy their busy little bodies as soon as possible. Will you send them to grandma and grandpa’s house, summer camp, or hire that nice young lady down the street to watch them? As you begin to contemplate your next move, I have a few ideas on how you might better manage your child’s summer excitement. 

          In honor of Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week, I recently gave a presentation on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. With ADHD affecting nearly 5% of children, there are increasingly more and more parents needing guidance on how to parent their hyperactive or inattentive children. I lectured on what ADHD is, what it is not, and what parents in particular can do to help keep their kids organized. I realized while presenting that even children without ADHD need structure, especially during the summer. So while school is out and the weather is nice, here are a few things you can do to help keep your child on track for the beginning of the next school year. 

          The first thing you should do is set up a schedule. Lots of parents think summer is a time to relax and lay off the rules. While you do want your kids to enjoy, you do not want them to forget what it is like to be regimented. If you plan to let your child sleep late, don’t let them do it every day. Wake them up at a set time and have something for them to do. As relaxing as it is to lounge on the couch and watch cartoons, you want your kids to be active. Make a schedule and allot time for television. You’ll also want to allot time for activity. Get out and go to the park 2-3x a week. This will encourage them to expend energy so that they don’t stay up late. Just as you wake them up at a certain time, you should make them go to bed at a certain time. A healthy sleep pattern is essential. Lastly, keep your child’s brain stimulated. The local library or Barnes and Noble probably has a weekly interactive reading. If you want to be more involved, you can select your own topics to teach your child. If your child is older, perhaps a book club might be fun. Anything that allows you to spend time with your child is always recommended. 

           Hopefully these quick tips have been helpful. Next month is Purposeful Parenting Month and you should be well prepared. Be intentional with your summer plans!

Emotional Competence

by Claire Bell, Reach Therapist Intern

         Emotional competence is the ability to recognize and manage your emotions appropriately. The word competence is used versus intelligence because it is something that anyone can learn. Emotional competence is important for many situations including work, social, and academic life. There are four principles to emotional competence: awareness, emotional perspective taking, cultural sensitivity, and strategic expression.

            Emotional awareness is the basic ability to identify what you are feeling and why. This may take practice for some people if they are not used to doing it.  Many of us learn this skill in kindergarten as we learn to name our emotions such as happy, mad, and sad.  Another reason why we may have to practice this skill is because emotions can become uncomfortable.  When an emotion is uncomfortable it can become harder to identify it and where it is coming from.

            The next principle for emotional competence is emotional perspective taking. Emotional perspective taking is the root of empathy.  Empathy allows a person to take the perspective of the other person and it also promotes caring.  Caring for others can help with emotional perspective taking because it helps people recognize other people’s emotions in different situations.

            Principle three for emotional competence includes cultural sensitivity.  Because emotions and the expression of emotions can vary from culture to culture, it is important to be aware of people’s cultural identity.  It is important not to assume you know or understand the culture of a person unless they are your close friend or a family member.  Approach emotional situations with cultural sensitivity by becoming educated in the cultures that you most often encounter, as well as cultures you are unfamiliar with.

            Principle four of emotional competence is the strategic expression of emotions. I believe that we can all agree that expressing emotions in certain situations can be appropriate or inappropriate. It is important to know when and where to express certain emotions.  The ability to regulate your negative and positive emotions can be helpful in many different situations.

            Emotional regulation is important for academic, social, and professional success. It is not just important for children but also for adults. Hopefully, you can use these four principles to help develop or improve upon your emotional competence.