Parenting a Child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder

by Milliann Abrams, Reach Therapist Intern

March 30th to April 5th marks National Autism Awareness Week!!

Having a child with this disorder can be tough for everyone involved. Listed below are some helpful tips.
 Being on the same page. Having a congruent parenting team is effective in helping the child to manage and reduce symptoms.
     o It is important for parents to communicate with each other and to make sure you both enforce the same rewards and consequences. One helpful way to do this is to make a list of positive and negative behaviors and what their rewards and consequences will be. These are also proven to be more effective when the child is enlisted to think of some rewards.
 Consistency
     o Following a schedule is helpful to children diagnosed with autism. For example: Having a set bed time, a set time for homework, and a set time for free time.
 Consequences & Rewards
     o If a child exhibits an inappropriate behavior, have a system of consequences in place, the same goes for rewards! If a child does his/her chores the first time you ask, give them verbal praise. It will increase the chances of that behavior happening again.
 Check-Ins
     o Check in with all those involved to see what is working or not working for the child, or for helpful ideas. That can include any doctors, the school, coaches, friends, anyone involved in the child’s life
 Age Appropriate
    o Make sure any chores, tasks, rewards, or consequences are age-appropriate for the child. Each child goes through different developmental stages, so it is important to make sure that child understands.
 Effectiveness
    o If a child loves watching television, then that would be appropriate to reward them with, or to take away television time as a consequence. If a child doesn’t normally watch a lot of television, than there may be a better incentive to reward them with to increase their motivation.
 Talk
    o Talk to each other. It is important to have open communication.
 Self Care
    o Parenting a child is stressful, it is important for both parents to take time to care for themselves and de-stress.

During National Autism Awareness Week, Reach is offering the first session free to anyone with a family member diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. To schedule an appointment , please contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach today: (919) 941-2900 or www.pfeifferreach.org.

Tips on Parenting in the Adolescent Years

by Jacquie Beech, Reach Therapist Intern

There’s a big difference between parenting a child who is 12 versus one who is 18, and certainly it’s best to use these tips sooner than later.  But anytime is a good time to start changing behavior for the better!  The following tips are meant to be used as suggestions and do not take the place of therapy or emergency procedures – should the need arise.

1)  Open Doors.  The adolescent years, in particular, present real life ethical dilemmas for our kids to practice their decision-making, gain information about important topics, and develop their own values.  If you want to be a resource to help your adolescent in these areas, this won’t spontaneously occur WHEN the situation arises.  Plant lots of seeds about your desire to be available and be sure to walk the walk when it happens.  Don’t get carried away on the soap box on every little thing.  The smaller dilemmas may be a testing ground for them to see that you really mean you are there to be a resource for their development.  Here’s the caveat to that…

2)  Remove Doors.  “Opening Doors’ does NOT mean to be a door mat.  When there’s a behavior that is punishable, follow through.  One of the most effective punishments I have seen (and heard from adolescents) is the removal of their door.  Keep in mind that punishment is most effective when it is immediate, consistent, and appropriate. (And, the Goldilocks principle of “just right” applies here – long enough to make the point, but not too long where they figure out that being extremely LOUD in their room will want to make you put the door back on.)

That is, the punishment should fit the crime and if you SAY you are going to punish for X offense, DO it so they know your word is valid.  And, one warning seems reasonable.  For example, slamming their bedroom door may be such an offense in your home.  Let the adolescent know the door will be removed if there is another incident of slamming it.  (I recommend once you voice the warning, check to make sure you have the tools to remove the door and have a place in mind for where you will store the door once you remove it – as it really takes away the sting if you have to walk around the house looking for a place to put said door!)  Now, in relation to that…

3)  Reinforcement Usually Works Better than Punishment.  While punishment aims at decreasing an undesired behavior, reinforcement seeks to shape the desired one.  Refer to the bumper sticker you’ve likely seen, “Wag more; bark less.”

Incidentally, if we are barking less, we have more time to…

4)  Listen Listen Listen.  Adolescents are not typically known for initiating rich, flowing, lengthy conversations with parents (although some do!).  However, when they do talk – listen.  When you have the opportunity to hear them talking with their friends – listen.  When you are tempted to say what they’re doing wrong and how you suggest they do it better – just listen.  Keep listening.  Their brains are on fire developing during this time and they need to talk it out.  Be an example in how you live your life – they see it.  They see everything even if they don’t say it.  But in the meantime, practice listening so you can learn more about who your child is and how he/she is developing.  Once they see that you genuinely want to hear what they have to say, they just might want to…

5)  Spend Time Together.  Many adolescents typically don’t like engaging in endless (or any) conversation about chores, grades, homework, etc., even though that may be a necessary evil.  But they do like to hang out with their parent(s) in casual, low-key, fun ways.  Pay attention to what your child likes to do – perhaps a TV show you have in common.   Try to begin a ritual where you do it together and purposely DON’T talk about any of the above mentioned topics – just enjoy each other.  Start out in small increments where you both enjoy it and then walk away and look forward to the next time.

Our time with our kids seems to get cut exponentially once they become teenagers.  And, realistically we may know progressively less about how they spend their time.  For many parents, during the elementary and middle school years, you used to drop them off places and talk to other parents and stay very involved.  That may likely become scarce as their independence grows.  We just have to find different ways to stay involved as they become adults and learn to handle their lives on their own. It is the natural order of things (even if we feel we could do a better job of living their life :)

Come see us at Reach where we will help you to adjust to the changing needs of you, your child, and your family as everyone develops and grows.

Daylight Savings Time and Beating the Winter Blues

by Leah Leynor, Reach Therapist Intern

Spring is almost here! Recently, we all turned our clocks forward by an hour and lost an hour of sleep for Daylight Savings Time (DST). Losing an hour of sleep is most definitely not an enjoyable event, however, DST signals that the gray, dreary, chilly, and snowy winter is just about over! With spring on the horizon, now is a great time to emerge from hibernation and welcome a new season. For some, this may feel like and easy and welcome change and for others, the change in season may feel difficult if not impossible. When someone feels depressed, unmotivated, irritable, and lacking in energy, he / she is feeling the winter blues. Other symptoms could include the following: overeating/weight gain, lack of focus or concentration, withdrawal from social activities, and a decreased desire for sex.

Many individuals will magically beat the winter blues the instant that spring officially arrives, yet for some even spring is not enough to jolt them from the seasonal doldrums. If the winter blues has you down and you are hoping to beat the blues, there are a few ways to do it. First and foremost, get enough sleep! It may be getting lighter outside, but being well rested and keeping a schedule may help alleviate feelings of irritability and grogginess. Second, exercise! It might seem grueling to exercise when you feel a lack of motivation, however, science tells us that exercise releases endorphins and that helps create a better mood. Next, you might consider some spring cleaning. It is possible that feeling organized and reducing the clutter helps improve your mood. Also, try to get back into the social scene. Even though it is tempting to avoid your friends and family, attempting to get yourself back into your favorite social activities may help brighten your outlook. Finally, if it does not feel as though you welcome spring and are still stuck in the winter blues, you may also seek counseling. Counseling may help you work through your symptoms as well as manage the stress that suffering from the winter blues brings.

If you are feeling stuck with the winter blues, we at Pfeiffer Institute Reach are happy to help you work through feelings of depression as well as assist in formulating a beneficial stress management plan to get you back on track! Contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach today at 919-941-2900.  We look forward to working with you!

Ready to Spring Forward?

by Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT
Clinic Director

If you're like me, you're probably quite ready for this winter to be over! I can't remember the last time the South got this much snow, ice, sleet, and just GRAY. Here at Pfeiffer Institute Reach, we're going to encourage the new season to appear by hosting Spring Forward, a FREE workshop for couples, on Monday, March 10, from 6-8pm. Participants can be at any relationship stage -- dating, engaged, cohabiting, married, with or without children. The workshop will be an interactive and educational opportunity to learn about communication skills, trust, and sex! Childcare will be provided, and you will have the opportunity to schedule an appointment with a Therapist Intern to discuss what you learned about your relationship and how you can implement your new skills.

Please RSVP so we know how many people to prepare for. Call 919-941-2900 and tell us you're ready to Spring Forward!

Also remember that you should move your clocks ahead (spring forward!) this Sunday, March 9.

Spring Forward FREE Couples Workshop, Monday, 3/10, 6-8pm

Whether you need some help tuning in, or just a relationship tune up, join us on March 10th at Pfeiffer Institute Reach for our Spring Forward Couples Workshop. We will spend two hours discussing communication, trust, and sex! For couples who have been together for years or decades and couples who are just starting out, this workshop will teach you new ways to overcome common issues and help you to keep your relationship fresh.  Please call to reserve your spot today! Childcare provided.