Can a Kid in a Candy Store Be Rational?

by Nate Sawyer, Reach Therapist Intern

     I was walking through the grocery store the other day when all of the sudden I heard this horrible shrieking and yelling. The noise was so loud, sustained, and obnoxious that I had to find it’s source. I peered around the corner of the cereal isle like a spy trying not to be too obvious. I saw what appeared to be a four or five year old boy flailing around on the floor and screaming. He was violent as if someone had stabbed him in the back with a knife! The child was reaching for something that his parents would not allow him to have. His parents were clearly not giving into his demands, so as he followed them walking away, I thought the war was over; nope it was only getting started. The child continued screaming and yelling following his parents around the store yelling so loud that everyone could hear his every move. I must say that this was probably the closest to a shopping trip from hell that I have ever experienced.

     But what does a parent do? Do they give in to stop the carnage or fight the good fight as they lose their hearing and dignity slowly?
   
      Every parent has likely encountered a similar battle at some point in his or her child-rearing career. How should I respond, do I respond, how can I keep my cool? For many parents, the response is one of mirroring their child by yelling, “because I said so,” or ignoring them, much like the incident in the grocery store. What should the response be? I suggest that ignoring or taking what appears to be the easy way out, is not the answer. Many children are developing their emotions and cognitions craving someone to explain, reason, and create boundaries with their growing intellect. The parent needs to be clear with the child why they are not getting what they want. I realize that this is easier said then done. In the heat of the moment, it is important for parents to not simply just react. Being proactive in incidents such as these can serve as a teaching moment for the growing little one. These teaching moments can help a kid in a candy store be rational and possibly spare embarrassing tantrums in the future.

Making the Move

By Liberty D. Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

Moving is stressful. Whether you’re moving across town, across the state, or across the country, there is no getting around it: moving is stressful. From trying to hook up the dryer, to figuring out how to organize your food pantry, there are certain tasks that tend to be relationship testers. The good news is that there are ways to reduce the stress involved with moving.

Plan: The best way to alleviate relocation stress is to plan ahead. Try to allow yourself enough time to create and effectuate a well-thought out moving strategy.  Get together with your loved one, have a meeting of the minds, and gather together a list of tasks that must be accomplished to make the move a success. (Which utilities need to be turned on/off and when? Who will be available to let the cable person come in and hook up the internet? Who will order the U-Haul?)

Prioritize: Another way to help alleviate stress is to prioritize what must be done vs. what can be done later.  The utilities must be turned on in order to be able to function and be warm in your new home (that’s a priority!). Having the internet hooked up so one can surf the web can likely be done later.

De-clutter: One way to make sure your move is a success is to de-clutter. No one wants to move two boxes of old newspapers and junk mail to the new place; it’s too labor intensive and a waste of good back strength! Before the move, go through each room and get rid of the junk. Pare down. Toss what isn't needed, sentimental, or useful.

Organize: Once the clutter is gone, you can more clearly assess the situation, see what needs to go with you, and decide about how many boxes you are actually going to need. Completing this task room by room helps avoid feelings of being overwhelmed, and when each room is done, the feelings of accomplishment help promote forward progress.

Self-care: The most important thing to take care of in a move (big or small), are the people involved. If children are a part of the move, make sure they feel that they are an integral part of what is happening, and that any feelings of sadness are recognized, validated, and tended to. As for the adults, make sure to take the time you need to de-stress, relax, and just be with the people you love.

If your relationship has been tested by a move or any other major life event, please contact the Pfeiffer Institute Reach at (919) 941-2900. We will help get you moving in the right direction.

Decisions, Decisions

By Leah Leynor, Reach Therapist Intern 

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Decisions are often difficult, aren’t they? We are faced with decisions almost every moment of every day in our lives. The decisions we are faced with range from the mundane of whether or not to have a cup of coffee in the morning (for some people this might be a necessity), to what meals we will eat that day, and various decisions or choices that span almost anything. Are these decisions easy? It depends. Since we are all individuals with different life circumstances, some decisions and choices could be more difficult than others. Depending upon the importance or nature of the decision, the decision has the potential to be paralyzing. There are three choices that may be considered when faced with an anxiety-provoking life decision:

1. Do the right thing – Easier said than done; however, we can try to make the best decisions possible for ourselves and those around us if we take a moment to think about how we feel the potential decisions might turn out. Is there a fail-proof way to “choose” the right thing? No. Hopefully, with careful consideration, the decision made and action taken will result in the best possible scenario.

2. Do the wrong thing – Sometimes we might make the wrong decision. Does it feel good? No. Is it possible to move past the decision if it did not work out? Yes. Having said that, the beauty of life is that we not only have the ability to make the right decisions, but also the wrong ones! What is this called? Opportunity. Even though we might have made a decision and weren’t happy with the results, so long as we recognize that we have the opportunity and the freedom to make choices for ourselves, that can make all the difference.

3. Do nothing – Often, making a decision is so anxiety-provoking that one may choose to do nothing at all. Is this the right decision? Maybe. Is this the wrong decision? Maybe. It depends upon the situation and the people involved, however, if one does not overcome anxiety and fear, s/he may be stuck with decisions that others made and results s/he does not want.

If you are faced with life decisions and would like to explore your options to make the best choices for you, contact us at Pfeiffer Institute Reach. We are here to help!

Why Seek Therapy

by Jacquie Beech, Reach Therapist Intern

        For decades, therapy was often assumed to be "reserved" for the severely mentally ill – those who were schizophrenic or for whatever reason, were seen as unable to handle their own life.  As a result of that stigma, some may feel that if they attend therapy, it must mean they are severely mentally disturbed or unable to handle their own lives.  However, around the 1960s and 1970s, psychologists and therapists began to look at mental health in a new way, a more realistic way – it is NOT an all or nothing thing.  There was a shift in the mental health field.  It is not that we are either severely mentally ill OR perfectly healthy and happy.  They began to see the space in between, where most of us live – that sometimes during our lives, we could use some help in managing relationships, stress, transitions, job loss, death, dealing with long term illness, parenting difficulties, day to day anxiety, adjusting to coming back from serving in the military, and many other challenges like these.  Mental health counseling still includes and is helpful for severe mental illness but has also come to include everyone who is dealing with … life.  

        At Pfeiffer Institute Reach clinic, therapy provides:

• A safe place to say exactly how you feel without being judged

• Space to talk about the topics that are important to you

• Time for your own personal growth

• An unbiased, caring person who can help you to connect the pieces of what’s going on in order to help you see your way through difficult times

• A place for individuals, couples, and families to come together to work out differences in a safe and fair way – where everyone’s voice is heard

At Reach, we do not provide the answers for you.  We know that you are the expert on your own life.  What we can do is help you to sort out what is going on, to see things more clearly, perhaps in a new way, so that solutions begin to emerge out of our time together. What is unique about our approach at Reach is we are trained in how to work successfully with couples and families as well as individuals.  With couples and families, we provide communication skills that you take with you to use as situations arise in the future.  Come visit us – we are a community resource here to help!

February: The Month of Couples

by Milliann Abrams
   
     As February is now upon us, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. It is a holiday that couples spend together, celebrating their love. It is also a time to think about what factors go into that relationship to make it so successful. Communication, trust, and commitment are certainly important qualities in maintaining a successful relationship. What else maintains that successful, satisfying relationship? Closeness? Satisfaction? Intimacy? Happiness? Similarity? Differentness?

     Each couple is unique. What works for one couple might not work for another. It is important to be aware of your own needs and wants and also your partners when in a romantic relationship. One way to do this is through check-ins with your partner, spending time addressing how you both feel about the relationship.

     Hitting speed bumps or obstacles can be common in romantic relationships, especially new ones where both partners are still learning about each other and what it means to be a couple. Resolving those issues successfully is key to a healthy functioning relationship where both partners are satisfied.

     Sometimes relationships get tested, but these factors help to keep couples bonded. If you are struggling with any of these elements, want to strengthen your bond with your partner, need help resolving any obstacles, or are just curious, Pfeiffer Institute Reach offers Prepare/Enrich assessments and therapy for couples. Make an appointment to see a Prepare/ and Enrich- trained therapist intern today!