Reap Where You Sow

by Byron Coley, Therapist Intern

We often hear the biblical phrase “you reap what you sow” (Galatians 6:7, KJV), which simply means a person will receive that which they plant.  According to this philosophy, if a person treats their spouse or partner badly, they will in turn be treated in a similar manner.  Inversely, if an individual treats their spouse in a loving way, it is likely that their love will be returned.

Along with reaping what you sow, individuals must also understand that they reap where they sow.  This phrase suggests that seeds will grow where they are planted.  If a person plants grass seeds in their front yard, they cannot expect those same seeds to grow in the back yard.  As relationships are concerned: If an individual puts a lot of time and effort into their job, it is probable that they will reap the results of that hard work.  This may yield promotions, higher pay, or just an overall sense of success.  However, the time and hard work individuals place in their jobs cannot be use as a substitute for the love and attention they show their partners.

Not only can this idea be used for a person’s employment, it can be tied to a variety of things such as: children, friends, family, hobbies, etc.  All of these are important, and thus are worthy of an individual’s time and attention, but must be done in moderation.  If a person is practicing his or her golf game, and is spending less time with their spouse/family, this could obviously pose a problem within the couple-relationship.  Of course it is great to have an improved putting game, but at what cost?

It is great and sometimes necessary to have a variety of hobbies and people that you can spend time with.  Yet, it is important to have balance, and set intimate time aside for your partner and children.  Remember to sow good seeds, which will ideally be restored back to you, and most importantly be conscious of which areas of your life you are planting those seeds.

The Big News: Your Child Has Autism

by Mackenzie Toland, Therapist Intern

        It can be a frightening experience to find out that your child has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). You may have a number of questions about not only what your child’s future look like but also what your future will look like.  It is probably also new that you have to find resources to help your child that may be more costly than you can afford right now. There are so many changes that take place for the whole family when a child receives a diagnosis that it can be extremely overwhelming.

Your child has a diagnosis of a developmental disability and you may be feeling any number of emotions. Take a moment and realize that it is completely normal to be scared or even be angry. Some even experience great levels of depression. Whatever you may be experiencing, it is important to understand that taking care of yourself emotionally is imperative for your child’s success. Aside from the emotions that you may be experiencing, you have probably found yourself wondering ‘now what?’ You have been handed a great responsibility and an opportunity to help your child and family grow in ways that you never imagined. You can use this opportunity to work on the strength of your marriage and the teamwork within your family all while helping your child to reach his or her fullest potential.

You can find lots of information online regarding services for your child. Personally, I have been trained in the behavior analytic approach and have seen great success with all of my clients. However, there are all kinds of therapies available and it is important to take the time to do the research to find out what is best for your child. Make sure you are looking for “best practice” when researching services for your child. In the meantime, set up an appointment with Pfeiffer Institute Reach – we are here for you and would love to support you through this process.

Balancing Work and Family

by Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

Approximately 58.9% of married couple families with children under 18 are dual earners (Walsh, 2012, p. 79).  In addition to raising children, and dealing with issues associated with being a spouse, parents are responsible for a variety of things that often yield stress.  Many families unfortunately also have to deal with illness, disability, death, and loss, and may struggle with unemployment and financial hardships (Walsh, 2012, p. 78).  Having a dual-earner household often takes pressure off onf one parent to provide for the family, and also provides a sense of equality within the couple.

The strains caused by work related factors alone can alone cause a great deal of distress.  The pressure of providing financial security has a great impact in that stress, and often causes individuals to hold multiples jobs, and work 40-70 hours a week.  According to Ford (2011), families with lower household incomes have higher levels of stress, compared to those with higher household incomes.  A lower household income not only adds financial strain to the family, it also creates issues within the parental system that is are not easily overcome.  Although their intentions may be good, it could actually be more harmful for parents to work excessive jobs or hours.  Matthews, Swody, and Barnes (2012) found, individuals who work longer hours report more work-family conflict.

Job Stress

Stress incurred on the job has a big role in individual satisfaction and family stress.  Wang, Rapetti, and Campos (2011) state, “chronic job stress can influence the social life of a family through its impact on an employed member's psychological health and energy reserves” (p. 442).  Because of this deduction in energy reserves, individuals often withdraw from social interactions, or have a negative  mood.  This withdrawal from family interactions causes a disconnect within the family system, which adds to the already heavy strain of the work-family relationship.

Balancing Work and Family

Juggling multiple roles can have both positive and negative benefits on an individual and the family system.  Parents should design a plan of how they will separate work and family life.

According to Walsh (2012), when balancing work and family, it is necessary for families to consider the following:

-Prioritize family time and well-being

-Emphasize overall equality and partnership, including joint responsibility for housework, and equal influence over finances

-Sharing the child care and “emotion work” of family life

-Maximizing fun at home, and concentrating on work while at the workplace

-Create rituals for saying good-bye to children and for reengaging after work

-Maintaining focused, uninterrupted time with kids just to “hang out”

-Take time to decompress after particularly stressful work days

Where to Get Help

If you are struggling to find balance between work and family, personal and relationship needs, make an appointment to see a Reach therapist intern today!

References

     Ford, M. T. (2011). Linking household income and work-family conflict: A moderated mediation study. Stress and Health: Journal O f The International Society For The Investigation Of Stress, 27(2), 144-162. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/smi.1328

     Matthews, R. A., Swody, C. A., & Barnes-Farrell, J. L. (2012). Work hours and work-family conflict: The double-edged sword of involvement in work and family. Journal Of The International Society For The Investigation Of Stress, 28(3), 234-247. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/smi.1431

     Walsh, F. (2012). Normal family processes. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

     Wang, S., Repetti, R. L., & Campos, B. (2011). Job stress and family social behavior: The moderating role of neuroticism. Journal Of Occupational Health Psychology, 16(4), 441-456. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0025100

Mental Illness Awareness Week at Pfeiffer Institute Reach

Mental Illness Awareness Week is October 6-12, 2013 (see http://www.nami.org/miaw for more information). What does it mean to be aware of mental illness? What does this have to do with you? Hopefully you will find useful suggestions here.

According to the National Organization on Mental Illness (NAMI), one in four adults will experience a mental illness in a given year. That means approximately 65.1 million Americans will be affected. It is likely you or someone you love will face a mental illness at some point. Awareness -- and the courage to act on it -- is the first step toward help and coping. 

What does awareness entail? Pay attention: are you feeling down more than usual and for longer periods of time? Is your loved one so concerned that he is unable to do the things he enjoys? Are your mood swings from super-excited to super-down getting you in trouble at work? Do nightmares and flashbacks keep your partner awake throughout the night?

After awareness comes action. What can you do? You can get answers, or at least suggestions about where to find answers, by doing a screening at Pfeiffer Institute Reach. If you have concerns for yourself or someone else, the week of October 6-12 is the perfect time to check it out, no commitment or purchase necessary! Pfeiffer Institute Reach will offer free screenings and a free session with a clinician to review the results of the screening. Call to schedule an appointment or send an email to contact@pfeifferreach.org and we will help find a time for you to come in. 

The screening (four short questionnaires) will assess for symptoms of four common problems: depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and bipolar disorder. Don't let the word "disorder" frighten you away. It's just psychological shorthand for a collection of symptoms that are interfering with daily life. This might include being so depressed you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, or so anxious you feel like you are having a heart attack.

If you have questions, please call or email today to make your free appointment. The screening is free, as is the optional session to review the results with a clinician. Awareness, action, answers. Pfeiffer Institute Reach. 

Reach  for a better tomorrow.

PREPARE/ENRICH – A tool to help build a strong marriage from the beginning

by Mackenzie Toland, Reach Therapist Intern

You are newly engaged and your relationship is soaring. Everywhere you turn people are chattering about the new bride and groom and the latest and greatest wedding venues. 

This brings butterflies to your stomach… a new kind of butterflies. 

Questions flood your mind: What does it mean to be a husband/wife? What about finances? Where will we live? Who will do what after we are married? Will our relationship be a lasting relationship? How will we know?

New challenges are arising in your relationship and as a PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator, I am happy to tell you that there are tools to help you build the strong marriage that you truly desire. None of us are built to be the ‘perfect’ husband or ‘perfect’ wife and that’s okay. What’s important is that you are working together in new ways to grow as a couple. 

You may be wondering… What does it look like to be in premarital counseling? 

Here is basic run down of what PREPARE/ENRICH looks like: 

It starts with a questionnaire that you and your fiancé fill out separate from one another. There are no right or wrong answers and your facilitator is NOT going to say, “Oh no, they answered this question wrong and they are doomed.” Your facilitator believes in premarital counseling and they believe in you. 

Your facilitator will then use your strengths that shine through the questionnaire to help build your growth areas together as a couple. There are great activities that can help you and your fiancé grow in areas like communication, conflict resolution, financial management, and more.

In general, it is important to attend at least 8-12 sessions along with your partner. Some couples enjoy learning about each other and growing together in this positive setting so much that they stay for more! 

What are you waiting for? Let us help you build a strong relationship foundation at the Pfeiffer Institute Reach clinic with our trained PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator(s). Our low cost will help you grow with your partner without breaking the bank. 

FREE SCREENING SESSION DURING NATIONAL DEPRESSION SCREENING WEEK

In recognition of National Depression Screening Day (Oct. 10), Pfeiffer Institute Reach will offer free screenings and reviews with a clinician FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK. Screenings, which can remain anonymous, include measures assessing depression, anxiety, PTSD, and bipolar disorder. Participants can choose to review their results with a clinician, who can offer potential resources. 

All of this for FREE! Appointments are encouraged but not necessary.

Parenting: Being the "Bad Guy"

by Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

Being a parent is perhaps the most rewarding, and important relationship one can have.  Not only will the parent/guardian have a significant effect on the child’s life, the child will also have an equal influence on the life of the parent.  For this reason, it is of dire importance that parents raise their children in a manner that prepares them for life outside of “home,” and to also instill in them qualities such as: respect, courtesy, obedience, compassion, and benevolence.   

Especially in the case of single parents, particularly those who have children at a relatively young age, it is not uncommon for parent-child bond to be very close-knit, or even enmeshed.  This is by no means a negative quality to have in any kind of relationship (being close to one another).  However, individuals must understand their role in whatever type of relationship they are in, which can begin by constructing a detailed image of how they view that role.  While is it great to have a friendly rapport with your children, it can become harmful to the relationship when a parents’ kindness is misinterpreted or exploited.    

Children naturally have a high level of curiosity, and will often test their boundaries; particularly ones put in place by their parents.  This is not reason to label a child “bad” or a “problem child.”  In fact this is an essential part of child development, and allows the child to learn what is right and wrong.  These lessons come from their environment as a whole, but parents also play a very special role in this part of development.  While it may be difficult to chastise, or as some parents describe as “being the bad guy,” it is such a significant facet of the child’s life.

Parents are responsible for showing their children unconditional love, but are also charged with teaching them principles, which will often entail telling them when are wrong.  Though it may be easier to be the “good guy,” parents must realize that their children will have plenty of friends in their lifetime.  What children need from their parent(s) is something that cannot be easily replaced.  The values that they receive from their parent(s) will accompany them throughout their lifetime.  As you are creating your image of how you view parenting, consider that everything you will do for them, whether they like it or not, is done out of love.  

One day, when your children are adults, your relationship with them will change.  They will realize all that you have done for them and will be thankful for the times you lifted them up, and also for times in which you were tough on them.