Overcoming Infidelity

Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

Research has found that the ability to forgive is an essential component in relationships.  An attachment injury such as infidelity creates a rupture in the relationship, which can result in distrust and perplexity regarding the state of the relationship (Schade & Sandberg, 2012). It is a violation of trust that brings the nature of the whole relationship into question and must be resolved if the relationship is to survive. Therefore the question is, how do couples restore emotional closeness, and rebuild trust loss as a result of infidelity?

Forgiveness
Forgiveness has been found to aid in repairing broken relationships and in “healing inner emotional wounds” (Wade et al., 2005). Research has found forgiveness to be an intrapersonal process, in which victims let go of their adverse thoughts and feelings for the offending person and, according to Wade et al., “gains some measure of acceptance for the events, which might also be accompanied by positive feelings for that person” (p. 634).

Spirituality, trust, and forgiveness
According to Wolfinger and Wilcox (2008), spirituality increases relationship-enhancing behaviors such as willingness to forgive and sexual faithfulness, in addition to reports of perceived relationship satisfaction. Not only does spirituality have an influence on partner faithfulness and one’s willingness to forgive, Lambert et al. (2012) suggested that there is a positive relationship between prayer, trust, participating in joint religious activities, and relationship commitment.  By participating together in prayer, Lambert et al. (2012) found that couples develop a stronger sense of unity and trust within one another. Prayer may also be instrumental in restoring unity following a conflict.  In a study examining the phenomenological experience of prayer during marital conflict, Butler, Stout, and Gardner (2002) found that prayer encouraged spouses to shift their focus from their own individual needs to the needs of the relationship and to behaviors beneficial to their partner.  

Even if a couple is not spiritual, I believe there are still parts of this research that may still be useful to them. Couples can become involved with each other in other ways that can help improve their perceived relationship satisfaction. Couples should sit down and discuss activities they can do with one another to build trust, and relationships satisfaction. If you would like some help with these conversations, contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach today!

References:
Butler, M. H., Stout, J. A., & Gardner, B. C. (2002). Prayer as a conflict resolution ritual:Clinical implications of religious couples’ report of relationship softening, healing perspective, and change responsibility. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 30, 19-37. http://dx.doi.org/Retrieved from
Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., LaVallee, D. C., & Brantley, C. W. (2012). Praying together and staying together: Couple prayer and trust. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 4(1), 1-9. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0023060
Schade, L. C., & Sandberg, J. G. (2012). Healing the attachment injury of marital infidelity using emotionally focused couples therapy: A case illustration. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 40, 434-444. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/01926187.2011.631374
Wade, N. G., Bailey, D. C., & Shaffer, P. (2005). Helping clients heal: Does forgiveness make a difference? Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(6), 634-641. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0735-7028.36.6.634
Wolfinger, N., & Wilcox, W. (2008). Happy ever after? Religion, marital status, gender and relationship quality in urban families. Social Forces, 86, 1311-1337. http://dx.doi.org/

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year -- Or is it? A Holiday Survival Guide

by Mackenzie Toland, Reach Therapist Intern

It’s that time of year again. Time for turkey, holiday parties, and, oh yeah, stress. For many people holidays are full of great memories and happy families. Unfortunately, that is not the experience of everyone. There are many people suffering at holiday time because of family loss, financial burden, and unrealistic expectations. Below, you will find some helpful tips that will help you keep the ‘happy’ in ‘Happy Holidays.’

Dealing with Holiday Stress:

Coming down with a case of the Grinch? Take some time for yourself. It is important to do things that you like to do even during the season of giving. Make a list of healthy things that you do to help you relax and make a point to do them as a well deserved gift to yourself.

Dealing with Depression:

You may have been invited to a holiday party but the winter blues have you bogged down. Try and resist the urge to close your blinds and lock yourself in your house with a box of tissues. Recruit a close friend to go with you to the party so that you aren’t feeling left out. Try turning up your favorite tunes in the car on the way there to get you in the right mood.

Dealing with Loss:

You may have just lost a loved one and are dreading the approaching holiday season. You may not have a loved one near to share Thanksgiving with. Consider a ‘Friendsgiving’, a day when you thank your friends for the love and support that they have for you during this difficult time.

Dealing with Financial Burden:

The holidays can be stressful, especially on your wallet. Some great solutions that are always options are Secret Santa and making gifts for someone. There is nothing more wonderful than a batch of homemade cookies. One thing that would be great to do would be to take an afternoon and volunteer at a local soup kitchen. You will be able to help first hand those truly in need and be able to give them one of the greatest gifts of all, your time.

Engaged or Newly Married:

The first holiday season together is a particularly difficult situation to navigate. Who’s holiday do we celebrate? Where do we go? How much do we spend on our friends and family?  So many questions to work through with your significant other and unfortunately, you may not be agreeing. Work together to make a schedule that fulfills both partners’ needs. You could also create a new holiday tradition with your new family together. Whatever you choose, don’t forget the most important thing, to love each other.

The holidays can be a very stressful time and hopefully the tips above are helpful for you. Try and remember what has been helpful for you in the past and you can find the strength within yourself to get through it. Having some extra support is always helpful as well. Pfeiffer institute reach has the support you need tailored to you. See you soon!

Practice Makes Perfect

Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

In order to create perfection, a person must devote time, effort, and perseverance.  Perfection is not crafted overnight, nor can it be earned by giving 50%.  Whether it is perfecting the skills involved in your favorite hobby or becoming a better spouse, sibling, child, parent, or friend, you must focus in on the part of that hobby or relationship you want to make better and practice, practice, practice.  It will also be helpful to know that even through all your efforts to better yourself you WILL make mistakes, and may occasionally feel like things will never get better.  However mistakes are normal, and the mere fact that you are able to recognize that you have made a mistake proves that you are in fact changing.

Create a realistic depiction of what perfection looks like. Becoming a better friend may mean that you want to do a better job of admitting when you’re wrong, and apologizing.  Understand that being a good friend or parent doesn't mean you will never cause harm to the relationship, or make a mistake.  Most importantly, in order to perfect yourself and your relationships with others, you must learn from past mistakes and begin to recognize your faults and weaknesses.  When a person is able and willing to admit their faults and weaknesses, they begin to take back power over things they lacked control over before.

If you have found yourself unable to create the type of change you would like to occur in yourself or your relationships, make an appointment to see a Reach therapist intern today!  Allow us to assist you in creating practices that will allow to begin taking back control of your life!

Parenting through the Holidays

FREE WORKSHOP 12/4/13 FROM 5:30-6:30pm: PARENTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS

Join us at Pfeiffer Institute Reach on Wednesday, December 4, from 5:30-6:30. You may be on your way home from work or school, worrying about getting through the evening and getting everything done before tomorrow. If you stop, though, and take this time to plan the kinds of things you'd like to do with -- the way you'd like to be with -- your children, you will notice that your holidays will be more what you want, instead of just reacting to what happens. At the workshop, you will have the opportunity to learn some parenting tips, as well as brainstorm about what you want to do for your specific situation. Whatever your goal, come to Reach on Wednesday, December 4, from 5:30 - 6:30. The hour you spend with us can make a positive difference for your holiday season!

Spend the Holiday Honoring Your Values

by Laura Bryan, PhD, Clinic Director

The holidays are fast approaching, and with them plenty of stress! It would help to be thoughtful about making the holidays a time you honor your values -- time spent with family -- instead of joining the rush of consumerism and parties.

Easier said than done. That's why Pfeiffer Institute Reach is offering a free workshop to help you focus and consider your options. Join us at the clinic on Wednesday, November 20, from 5:30-6:30. You may be on your way home from work or school, worrying about getting through the evening and getting everything done before tomorrow. If you stop, though, and take this time to plan, you will notice that your holidays will be more what you want, instead of just reacting to what happens.

At the workshop, you will have the opportunity to learn some stress/time management hints, as well as brainstorm about what you want to do for your specific situation. Do you want to focus on honoring your relationship with your partner, expressing gratitude for the gift of being together? Do you want to help your children understand your family traditions, and why they're important to all of you? Maybe you want to be sure you enjoy your "family of choice" -- the friends who get you through the rest of the year.

Whatever your goal, come to Reach on Wednesday, November 20, from 5:30 - 6:30. The hour you spend with us can make a positive difference for your holiday season!

Self Care

by Mackenzie Toland, Reach Therapist Intern

       All too often we find ourselves burning the midnight oil in our careers, our friendships, and our families. As Americans we have a tendency to work ourselves out of the pleasures of life. We are doing our careers and our interpersonal relationships a great injustice by not taking out time just to breathe and relax. This blog post is about granting ourselves permission to let go and do something for ourselves.
It is important to understand that self-care can help us when we least expect it. Self-care can be looked at as a shield of protection when things get difficult. The healthier we allow ourselves to be on the inside; the easier it will be to accept challenges that come our way. It is like the preventative maintenance tool of coping. Although challenges will remain difficult, we will have an extra tool in our toolbox to help us combat the stress. Not only will we be able to combat stress better but self-care also helps to enhance the overall experience of life.
       A great example of this is that I recently ran across an incredible artist and she was telling me the story behind one of her pieces. She explained to me that she was feeling lost and stuck and was having an extremely difficult time finding inspiration. She spoke of the great frustration and distress that it brought her to be without inspiration. She said that she decided to go on an artistic retreat in order to reset and renew and on the last day she created the piece we were speaking of. She described the piece as just flowing out of her once she had found peace within her self.
      Perhaps this scenario sounds familiar to you. Maybe you are feeling "stuck," whether it is in your career, your marriage, your life, and you are looking to find peace.  Therapy is an amazing vehicle for self-care, as well as, personal growth. With Pfeiffer Institute Reach’s affordable prices and empathetic ears, what are you waiting for?

Reap Where You Sow

by Byron Coley, Therapist Intern

We often hear the biblical phrase “you reap what you sow” (Galatians 6:7, KJV), which simply means a person will receive that which they plant.  According to this philosophy, if a person treats their spouse or partner badly, they will in turn be treated in a similar manner.  Inversely, if an individual treats their spouse in a loving way, it is likely that their love will be returned.

Along with reaping what you sow, individuals must also understand that they reap where they sow.  This phrase suggests that seeds will grow where they are planted.  If a person plants grass seeds in their front yard, they cannot expect those same seeds to grow in the back yard.  As relationships are concerned: If an individual puts a lot of time and effort into their job, it is probable that they will reap the results of that hard work.  This may yield promotions, higher pay, or just an overall sense of success.  However, the time and hard work individuals place in their jobs cannot be use as a substitute for the love and attention they show their partners.

Not only can this idea be used for a person’s employment, it can be tied to a variety of things such as: children, friends, family, hobbies, etc.  All of these are important, and thus are worthy of an individual’s time and attention, but must be done in moderation.  If a person is practicing his or her golf game, and is spending less time with their spouse/family, this could obviously pose a problem within the couple-relationship.  Of course it is great to have an improved putting game, but at what cost?

It is great and sometimes necessary to have a variety of hobbies and people that you can spend time with.  Yet, it is important to have balance, and set intimate time aside for your partner and children.  Remember to sow good seeds, which will ideally be restored back to you, and most importantly be conscious of which areas of your life you are planting those seeds.

The Big News: Your Child Has Autism

by Mackenzie Toland, Therapist Intern

        It can be a frightening experience to find out that your child has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). You may have a number of questions about not only what your child’s future look like but also what your future will look like.  It is probably also new that you have to find resources to help your child that may be more costly than you can afford right now. There are so many changes that take place for the whole family when a child receives a diagnosis that it can be extremely overwhelming.

Your child has a diagnosis of a developmental disability and you may be feeling any number of emotions. Take a moment and realize that it is completely normal to be scared or even be angry. Some even experience great levels of depression. Whatever you may be experiencing, it is important to understand that taking care of yourself emotionally is imperative for your child’s success. Aside from the emotions that you may be experiencing, you have probably found yourself wondering ‘now what?’ You have been handed a great responsibility and an opportunity to help your child and family grow in ways that you never imagined. You can use this opportunity to work on the strength of your marriage and the teamwork within your family all while helping your child to reach his or her fullest potential.

You can find lots of information online regarding services for your child. Personally, I have been trained in the behavior analytic approach and have seen great success with all of my clients. However, there are all kinds of therapies available and it is important to take the time to do the research to find out what is best for your child. Make sure you are looking for “best practice” when researching services for your child. In the meantime, set up an appointment with Pfeiffer Institute Reach – we are here for you and would love to support you through this process.

Balancing Work and Family

by Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

Approximately 58.9% of married couple families with children under 18 are dual earners (Walsh, 2012, p. 79).  In addition to raising children, and dealing with issues associated with being a spouse, parents are responsible for a variety of things that often yield stress.  Many families unfortunately also have to deal with illness, disability, death, and loss, and may struggle with unemployment and financial hardships (Walsh, 2012, p. 78).  Having a dual-earner household often takes pressure off onf one parent to provide for the family, and also provides a sense of equality within the couple.

The strains caused by work related factors alone can alone cause a great deal of distress.  The pressure of providing financial security has a great impact in that stress, and often causes individuals to hold multiples jobs, and work 40-70 hours a week.  According to Ford (2011), families with lower household incomes have higher levels of stress, compared to those with higher household incomes.  A lower household income not only adds financial strain to the family, it also creates issues within the parental system that is are not easily overcome.  Although their intentions may be good, it could actually be more harmful for parents to work excessive jobs or hours.  Matthews, Swody, and Barnes (2012) found, individuals who work longer hours report more work-family conflict.

Job Stress

Stress incurred on the job has a big role in individual satisfaction and family stress.  Wang, Rapetti, and Campos (2011) state, “chronic job stress can influence the social life of a family through its impact on an employed member's psychological health and energy reserves” (p. 442).  Because of this deduction in energy reserves, individuals often withdraw from social interactions, or have a negative  mood.  This withdrawal from family interactions causes a disconnect within the family system, which adds to the already heavy strain of the work-family relationship.

Balancing Work and Family

Juggling multiple roles can have both positive and negative benefits on an individual and the family system.  Parents should design a plan of how they will separate work and family life.

According to Walsh (2012), when balancing work and family, it is necessary for families to consider the following:

-Prioritize family time and well-being

-Emphasize overall equality and partnership, including joint responsibility for housework, and equal influence over finances

-Sharing the child care and “emotion work” of family life

-Maximizing fun at home, and concentrating on work while at the workplace

-Create rituals for saying good-bye to children and for reengaging after work

-Maintaining focused, uninterrupted time with kids just to “hang out”

-Take time to decompress after particularly stressful work days

Where to Get Help

If you are struggling to find balance between work and family, personal and relationship needs, make an appointment to see a Reach therapist intern today!

References

     Ford, M. T. (2011). Linking household income and work-family conflict: A moderated mediation study. Stress and Health: Journal O f The International Society For The Investigation Of Stress, 27(2), 144-162. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/smi.1328

     Matthews, R. A., Swody, C. A., & Barnes-Farrell, J. L. (2012). Work hours and work-family conflict: The double-edged sword of involvement in work and family. Journal Of The International Society For The Investigation Of Stress, 28(3), 234-247. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/smi.1431

     Walsh, F. (2012). Normal family processes. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

     Wang, S., Repetti, R. L., & Campos, B. (2011). Job stress and family social behavior: The moderating role of neuroticism. Journal Of Occupational Health Psychology, 16(4), 441-456. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0025100

Mental Illness Awareness Week at Pfeiffer Institute Reach

Mental Illness Awareness Week is October 6-12, 2013 (see http://www.nami.org/miaw for more information). What does it mean to be aware of mental illness? What does this have to do with you? Hopefully you will find useful suggestions here.

According to the National Organization on Mental Illness (NAMI), one in four adults will experience a mental illness in a given year. That means approximately 65.1 million Americans will be affected. It is likely you or someone you love will face a mental illness at some point. Awareness -- and the courage to act on it -- is the first step toward help and coping. 

What does awareness entail? Pay attention: are you feeling down more than usual and for longer periods of time? Is your loved one so concerned that he is unable to do the things he enjoys? Are your mood swings from super-excited to super-down getting you in trouble at work? Do nightmares and flashbacks keep your partner awake throughout the night?

After awareness comes action. What can you do? You can get answers, or at least suggestions about where to find answers, by doing a screening at Pfeiffer Institute Reach. If you have concerns for yourself or someone else, the week of October 6-12 is the perfect time to check it out, no commitment or purchase necessary! Pfeiffer Institute Reach will offer free screenings and a free session with a clinician to review the results of the screening. Call to schedule an appointment or send an email to contact@pfeifferreach.org and we will help find a time for you to come in. 

The screening (four short questionnaires) will assess for symptoms of four common problems: depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and bipolar disorder. Don't let the word "disorder" frighten you away. It's just psychological shorthand for a collection of symptoms that are interfering with daily life. This might include being so depressed you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, or so anxious you feel like you are having a heart attack.

If you have questions, please call or email today to make your free appointment. The screening is free, as is the optional session to review the results with a clinician. Awareness, action, answers. Pfeiffer Institute Reach. 

Reach  for a better tomorrow.

PREPARE/ENRICH – A tool to help build a strong marriage from the beginning

by Mackenzie Toland, Reach Therapist Intern

You are newly engaged and your relationship is soaring. Everywhere you turn people are chattering about the new bride and groom and the latest and greatest wedding venues. 

This brings butterflies to your stomach… a new kind of butterflies. 

Questions flood your mind: What does it mean to be a husband/wife? What about finances? Where will we live? Who will do what after we are married? Will our relationship be a lasting relationship? How will we know?

New challenges are arising in your relationship and as a PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator, I am happy to tell you that there are tools to help you build the strong marriage that you truly desire. None of us are built to be the ‘perfect’ husband or ‘perfect’ wife and that’s okay. What’s important is that you are working together in new ways to grow as a couple. 

You may be wondering… What does it look like to be in premarital counseling? 

Here is basic run down of what PREPARE/ENRICH looks like: 

It starts with a questionnaire that you and your fiancé fill out separate from one another. There are no right or wrong answers and your facilitator is NOT going to say, “Oh no, they answered this question wrong and they are doomed.” Your facilitator believes in premarital counseling and they believe in you. 

Your facilitator will then use your strengths that shine through the questionnaire to help build your growth areas together as a couple. There are great activities that can help you and your fiancé grow in areas like communication, conflict resolution, financial management, and more.

In general, it is important to attend at least 8-12 sessions along with your partner. Some couples enjoy learning about each other and growing together in this positive setting so much that they stay for more! 

What are you waiting for? Let us help you build a strong relationship foundation at the Pfeiffer Institute Reach clinic with our trained PREPARE/ENRICH facilitator(s). Our low cost will help you grow with your partner without breaking the bank. 

FREE SCREENING SESSION DURING NATIONAL DEPRESSION SCREENING WEEK

In recognition of National Depression Screening Day (Oct. 10), Pfeiffer Institute Reach will offer free screenings and reviews with a clinician FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK. Screenings, which can remain anonymous, include measures assessing depression, anxiety, PTSD, and bipolar disorder. Participants can choose to review their results with a clinician, who can offer potential resources. 

All of this for FREE! Appointments are encouraged but not necessary.

Parenting: Being the "Bad Guy"

by Byron Coley, Reach Therapist Intern

Being a parent is perhaps the most rewarding, and important relationship one can have.  Not only will the parent/guardian have a significant effect on the child’s life, the child will also have an equal influence on the life of the parent.  For this reason, it is of dire importance that parents raise their children in a manner that prepares them for life outside of “home,” and to also instill in them qualities such as: respect, courtesy, obedience, compassion, and benevolence.   

Especially in the case of single parents, particularly those who have children at a relatively young age, it is not uncommon for parent-child bond to be very close-knit, or even enmeshed.  This is by no means a negative quality to have in any kind of relationship (being close to one another).  However, individuals must understand their role in whatever type of relationship they are in, which can begin by constructing a detailed image of how they view that role.  While is it great to have a friendly rapport with your children, it can become harmful to the relationship when a parents’ kindness is misinterpreted or exploited.    

Children naturally have a high level of curiosity, and will often test their boundaries; particularly ones put in place by their parents.  This is not reason to label a child “bad” or a “problem child.”  In fact this is an essential part of child development, and allows the child to learn what is right and wrong.  These lessons come from their environment as a whole, but parents also play a very special role in this part of development.  While it may be difficult to chastise, or as some parents describe as “being the bad guy,” it is such a significant facet of the child’s life.

Parents are responsible for showing their children unconditional love, but are also charged with teaching them principles, which will often entail telling them when are wrong.  Though it may be easier to be the “good guy,” parents must realize that their children will have plenty of friends in their lifetime.  What children need from their parent(s) is something that cannot be easily replaced.  The values that they receive from their parent(s) will accompany them throughout their lifetime.  As you are creating your image of how you view parenting, consider that everything you will do for them, whether they like it or not, is done out of love.  

One day, when your children are adults, your relationship with them will change.  They will realize all that you have done for them and will be thankful for the times you lifted them up, and also for times in which you were tough on them.

Parenting a Child with ADHD: RISE to the Occasion

by Jearilyn Singleton, Reach Therapist Intern

Has your child been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)? Feel like you’re not getting it “right” as a parent? Well, fret no longer. Help has arrived! If you can remember that all you have to do is RISE to the occasion -- focusing on routines, interests, simple rewards, and exercise; -- you will be able to see the sunshine in the midst of so many dark clouds. So, let’s break down what it means to RISE to the occasion:

Routine: It is important for children with ADHD to have a routine. Not only does a routine help keep you sane as a parent;, iIt helps children with ADHD learn to regulate. If they have a regimented schedule and know what to expect, it is easier for them to complete tasks and fulfill obligations. Sit down and create a routine or schedule with your child. Allowing them to get involved in the process is great and gives them a sense of control and ownership. Review expectations and remain consistent. Consistency is key when parenting a child with ADHD.

Interests: Know what your children are interested in and get interested in it too! I think it’s funny how people claim children with ADHD can’t sit still for long periods of time but they can sit in one spot and play a video game for hours! Children can focus when they are truly interested. Find out what positive and productive activities your children are interested in and encourage them to focus their attention on those interests. 

Simple rewards: Parents of children with ADHD often focus on the negative. Start finding the exceptions in your children’s behaviors and reward them when they do well! It doesn’t have to be an extravagant reward either. Maybe if they're able to complete their homework without getting distracted then they get an extra 10 minutes of television before bed. Small, simple rewards show children that you recognize that they are trying. It also makes them more aware and purposeful with their actions. Sounds like a win-win to me!

Exercise: Children with ADHD have tons of energy! Parents often report that they feel like their children are “bouncing off the walls.” What better way to channel this energy than through exercise? Encourage your children to put down the video games, cell phones, and toys and get moving. Working out can be fun! Play a game outside with your children (like basketball or jumping rope), ride bikes after dinner as a family, or just let them run around until they just can’t run any more. Not only is daily exercise healthy for you and your children, it helps release a lot of energy and can have a calming effect. 

If you can remember to implement these simple steps, you can RISE to the occasion every time! Not only will you feel more capable and in control as a parent, you will also find opportunities to bond with your children and help them channel their excess energy in a more positive manner. And, to all the parents of children without ADHD, you can use these simple steps too! Change the way you view and interact with your children. I challenge you to RISE to the occasion today!

Self-Care

by Katharine Sileo, Reach Therapist Intern

Everyone has a certain reservoir of emotional energy. What do you do to refill that reservoir when it begins to run low? How do you recharge your emotional energy? Do you let it get drained? Why not top it off daily?
Self-Care is something that is often overlooked and misunderstood. People think that they do not have time to take part in self-care practices or that doing one small thing every day would not make enough of an impact for it to be worth it in their everyday lives. However, if you talk to someone who takes the time to participate in self-care techniques they will happily disagree. My hope is that by the end of this post you will challenge yourself to initiate a self-care routine.
Why?
Taking care of yourself not only helps you but everyone around you. If you think that you have no time to take care of yourself because you are too busy with work, school, a spouse or children, guess what? They are not getting the best of you! Take at least 10 minutes a day to do something simple and you will be a better you which will benefit all of those people that you take care of!
When?
Right when you wake up, at lunch, on your way home from work, right after work, before bed. Any time is the right time.
What?
Anything that relieves stress!
• Rather than unloading the dishwasher while you have your cup of coffee, sit on the porch and enjoy the breeze, take a few deep breaths and appreciate the day
• Sit outside, notice what shape the clouds are like you did when you were a kid
• When you get home from work, take a bath rather than rushing through a shower
• Pour yourself a glass of wine and read a book before bed
• Take a walk with your spouse rather than turning on the TV
• Call a college friend and catch up
• Laugh!
• Meditate- download free guided mediation off the internet or onto your smart phone

Open House

invites you to attend a 

Ribbon Cutting and Open House

for

Pfeiffer Institute Reach

A clinical service of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program

offering affordable individual, couple, and family therapy

Friday, September 20, 2013

3:30 - 5:30pm

Pfeiffer Institute Reach

600 Airport Boulevard, Suite 600

Morrisville, NC 27560

Reception, light hors d'oeuvres, and clinic tour

Special Guests:

Michael C.  Miller

President, Pfeiffer University

The Honorable Jackie Holcombe

Mayor, City of Morrisville

Wanda Nicholson

Executive Director, NC Marriage and Family Therapy Licensing Board

Dr. Susan Wilkie

Director, Pfeiffer University Marriage and Family Therapy Program

Reach for a better tomorrow!

Meaning Making with Grief

by Hope Harris, Reach Therapist Intern

      Grief is a typical response to loss; more specifically, a reaction to losing someone or something with which/whom you have formed a bond.  Although those grieving are normally focused on the emotional response to loss, there are also physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, philosophical responses to grief. Most people associate grieving with the death of a loved one; however, people can experience a variety of losses throughout their lifetime, such as unemployment, ill health, or the end of a relationship. 

How people cope with grief is different in every circumstance. What research has shown is that the spiritual aspect of coping is very important in relation to finding meaning behind whatever loss they are experiencing. Miller (2007) found that 90% of people in the United States identify themselves as religious or spiritual. When coping with grief, people often times turn to religion of some sort. Pargament and Abu Raiya (2007) suggest that this could be due to the lack of resources our world has to offer; and religion helps explain things people cannot seem to understand. 

So, how does meaning make a difference when coping after experiencing a loss? Murphey  (2008) believes that making meaning is a clear part of the coping process. Humans are constantly forming meaning to better understand themselves and life, to generate purpose, and to shape goals and expectations for the future. Research is showing that when people turn to religion or spirituality after a loss, they are able to find more positive meanings connected to their experience, and therefore are better able to cope with the situation. Since we know that making meaning is beneficial to positively coping with loss, it seems that when one is grieving, they should consider learning more about spirituality or religion.

References

Miller, M. (2007). The spiritual side of recovery. Harvard Mental Health Letter ,23,6.

Murphy, S. A. (2008). The loss of a child: Sudden death and extended illness perspectives. In

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Stress Management

by EJ Hanks, Reach Therapist Intern

Stress is all around us.  It can arise in many forms including dealing with monthly bills, coordinating family duties, handling school responsibilities, professional commitments, and major life events, such as births, marriages, divorces, and deaths.  Sometimes you may feel that you are losing control and cannot keep up with the demands of your life.  Stress can make you irritable, angry, and frustrated toward everyone around you.  Feeling anxious and emotional or having difficulty eating and sleeping can also be responses to stress. Without good stress management skills, our health and relationships with others will suffer. While certain stressors are ultimately unavoidable, we can minimize how we react to stress by finding a healthy and manageable balance. 

Managing stress is all about taking charge: of your thoughts, emotions, calendar, and the way you react to problems.  Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life.  While not always obvious, what are the regular stressors in your life and how you deal with them?  Keeping a stress log or journal can help you spot the things that cause you to feel stressed and how you responded to the event.  Once you recognize these stressors, you can begin to take action to lessen their impact on your life.

Successful coping with these stressful events requires rearranging our lives to decrease the demands on us and, more importantly, learning new coping skills to increase the resources available to us.  Some tips on helping decrease your reactions to stressful events:

• Lead a healthy lifestyle – Eat nutritious, well balanced meals; get plenty of sleep; exercise

• Avoid drugs and alcohol – May seem to help cope temporarily, but they cause greater long term and permanent harm

• Increase your social network – Talk to family, friends and others; participate in community or other social activities to make new friends

• Do something you enjoy -  Take up a hobby or try something new and exciting

• Relax – Take a break when you are feeling overwhelmed; try mindfulness, yoga, or get a massage

• Recognize when you need more help – When your methods of stress reduction do not seem to work or you are thinking about suicide, see your doctor or therapist. 

Some stress relievers may work better than others for your individual situation.  If one method does not work, try another one.  Keep a journal or a list of the types of events and the successful type of stress reliever that you used.

If you're looking for extra support and guidance through dealing with stress, another challenging situation, or you're just ready to move in a new direction in your life, Therapist Interns at Pfeiffer Institute Reach look forward to working with you, your partner, or your family to achieve your goals.

Setting a Summer Schedule: What to do with your Children

by Cherrelle Davis, Reach Therapist Intern

          Summer is finally here and your children are probably well into their second or third week out of school. You’re probably wondering how you’re going to occupy their busy little bodies as soon as possible. Will you send them to grandma and grandpa’s house, summer camp, or hire that nice young lady down the street to watch them? As you begin to contemplate your next move, I have a few ideas on how you might better manage your child’s summer excitement. 

          In honor of Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week, I recently gave a presentation on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. With ADHD affecting nearly 5% of children, there are increasingly more and more parents needing guidance on how to parent their hyperactive or inattentive children. I lectured on what ADHD is, what it is not, and what parents in particular can do to help keep their kids organized. I realized while presenting that even children without ADHD need structure, especially during the summer. So while school is out and the weather is nice, here are a few things you can do to help keep your child on track for the beginning of the next school year. 

          The first thing you should do is set up a schedule. Lots of parents think summer is a time to relax and lay off the rules. While you do want your kids to enjoy, you do not want them to forget what it is like to be regimented. If you plan to let your child sleep late, don’t let them do it every day. Wake them up at a set time and have something for them to do. As relaxing as it is to lounge on the couch and watch cartoons, you want your kids to be active. Make a schedule and allot time for television. You’ll also want to allot time for activity. Get out and go to the park 2-3x a week. This will encourage them to expend energy so that they don’t stay up late. Just as you wake them up at a certain time, you should make them go to bed at a certain time. A healthy sleep pattern is essential. Lastly, keep your child’s brain stimulated. The local library or Barnes and Noble probably has a weekly interactive reading. If you want to be more involved, you can select your own topics to teach your child. If your child is older, perhaps a book club might be fun. Anything that allows you to spend time with your child is always recommended. 

           Hopefully these quick tips have been helpful. Next month is Purposeful Parenting Month and you should be well prepared. Be intentional with your summer plans!

Emotional Competence

by Claire Bell, Reach Therapist Intern

         Emotional competence is the ability to recognize and manage your emotions appropriately. The word competence is used versus intelligence because it is something that anyone can learn. Emotional competence is important for many situations including work, social, and academic life. There are four principles to emotional competence: awareness, emotional perspective taking, cultural sensitivity, and strategic expression.

            Emotional awareness is the basic ability to identify what you are feeling and why. This may take practice for some people if they are not used to doing it.  Many of us learn this skill in kindergarten as we learn to name our emotions such as happy, mad, and sad.  Another reason why we may have to practice this skill is because emotions can become uncomfortable.  When an emotion is uncomfortable it can become harder to identify it and where it is coming from.

            The next principle for emotional competence is emotional perspective taking. Emotional perspective taking is the root of empathy.  Empathy allows a person to take the perspective of the other person and it also promotes caring.  Caring for others can help with emotional perspective taking because it helps people recognize other people’s emotions in different situations.

            Principle three for emotional competence includes cultural sensitivity.  Because emotions and the expression of emotions can vary from culture to culture, it is important to be aware of people’s cultural identity.  It is important not to assume you know or understand the culture of a person unless they are your close friend or a family member.  Approach emotional situations with cultural sensitivity by becoming educated in the cultures that you most often encounter, as well as cultures you are unfamiliar with.

            Principle four of emotional competence is the strategic expression of emotions. I believe that we can all agree that expressing emotions in certain situations can be appropriate or inappropriate. It is important to know when and where to express certain emotions.  The ability to regulate your negative and positive emotions can be helpful in many different situations.

            Emotional regulation is important for academic, social, and professional success. It is not just important for children but also for adults. Hopefully, you can use these four principles to help develop or improve upon your emotional competence.

Welcome!

Welcome to the first post on the blog for Pfeiffer Institute Reach. On this blog, you will find introductions from some of our clinicians, information about mental health topics, and announcements about events from Reach and other agencies. Be sure to check out our webpage www.PfeifferReach.org, our Facebook page www.facebook.com/pfeifferreach, and our Twitter feed @PfeifferReach.

Pfeiffer Institute Reach is a low-cost clinic offering individual, couple, and family therapy services to the community. Sessions are $30 (university students: call to find out about our special rates!), and we have a sliding scale fee for those with financial need. We do not take insurance (including medicaid/medicare), credit cards, or debit cards. Sessions are confidential within the limits of the law.

Clinicians at Reach are graduate students in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Pfeiffer University, Raleigh/Durham campus. Some people get nervous at the thought of getting help from someone who is "just" a student. Let me try to put your mind at ease. Technically, the clinicians are interns, which means they are being closely supervised by licensed faculty. As a client, you are unlikely to ever interact with the supervisor -- although you can if you want -- but you still benefit from their experience and expertise. You're getting two therapists for the cost of one -- and a very low cost at that!

In addition, the students have at least 21 credit hours in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program, and have  been repeatedly evaluated for competence to enter the clinic. They come with a wide range of life experiences, and have shown themselves willing to learn from professors, supervisors, and clients alike.

I am very proud of the clinic and the services we offer here. I hope in the coming posts you will learn more about the clinicians and how we at Reach can help you with your individual and relationship issues. If you have any questions about our policies, please don't hesitate to ask.
919-941-2900
contact@pfeifferreach.org

Sincerely,
Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT
Clinic Director, Pfeiffer Institute Reach