First Session FREE!

FIRST SESSION FREE!

January 2015 marks our two-year anniversary, and we want to celebrate by offering YOU a gift!

Throughout the month of January, the first session is FREE. You can have an individual, couple, or family therapy session with a Therapist Intern for FREE! $0! Call 919-941-2900 or email contact@pfeifferreach.org today to schedule your FREE session. Subsequent sessions are $30 each, with a sliding scale available for those in financial need.

Holiday Break

Pfeiffer Institute Reach will be closed for the holidays starting Saturday, December 20. We will reopen for regular hours on Monday, January 5. Have a happy and healthy holiday season!

You Do Not Have to Walk Alone

by Liberty Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

Losing someone you love is hard. Death is never, ever easy. Even when death brings the relief of long-lived pain, it begins a lifetime of hurt, ache, and sadness for those who cared for and loved the person who passed away. Making things even more difficult are the anniversaries: the birthday that is no longer, the date of death, holidays, and personal anniversaries. Life seems to be fraught with reminders of a life once lived and a life now lost.

Being the person who lost a parent, child, sibling, or beloved friend, the pain is real and the loss is deep. Sometimes we try to move forward not knowing how to fill the void that now exists where that person once lived. We can be left feeling orphaned, sad, lonely, angry, confused, and sometimes, depressed.

How do we move out of the pain of our loss and move into a place where we can celebrate a life lived?  How can we put one foot in front of the other in order to honor the person we loved so much?

These questions are not easily answered, but they are often asked. The truth is, the pain of our losses may last a lifetime, but most likely, a time will come when we are able to realize that we are not living without the person we loved, we are simply living with him or her differently. They are no longer in the physical realm, but they are in our mental realm; they are in our hearts, our memories, and our thoughts. If we keep people alive inside of us, they can never be truly gone.

If you have suffered the loss of someone you loved and you need help putting one foot in front of the other, please contact a therapist intern at Pfeiffer Institute Reach at (919) 941-2900. We will walk through this time of pain with you; you do not have to get through this difficult time alone.

Hope That Has Led Me Out of the Darkness

"In a way, that's been the key to my still going strong for all these years. Every time I reach out beyond myself--to my family and friends, to my doctor, to my coworkers and the public to whom we bring the news, to the whole community of people who battle depressive disorders, and to the one i have turned to ever since I was a boy in Brookline--I find hope that has led me out of the darkness."

These words from Mike Wallace highlight a key part of dealing with and recovering from mental illness: reaching out to others for help and support. (For a more detailed story, see Mike Wallace: Speaking to a Nation).

Next week is National Mental Illness Awareness Week, and Thursday is National Depression Screening Day. Both of these times are occasions to educate yourself about mental illness and recognize how you or someone you know may be feeling the effects. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a great place to start. The more you know, the more you can help reduce the stigma around mental illness, and the barriers to getting help.

If you're looking for help and support, remember that during Mental Illness Awareness Week, your first session is FREE at Pfeiffer Institute Reach! We offer low cost individual, couple, and family therapy, and for the first full week of October, the first session is FREE! Call 919-941-2900 or email contact@pfeifferreach.org today!

Mental Illness Awareness Week

Pfeiffer Institute Reach will offer FREE first sessions during Mental Health Awareness Week (October 5-11).

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), one in four adults and one in five children and teens experience a mental health problem every year. Unfortunately, there are long delays--sometimes decades--between the time symptoms first appear and when people get help. Early identification and treatment can make a difference, but only if a person can get it. 

Barriers to seeking services include lack of awareness, financial burden, lack of transportation, and stigma about acknowledging the need for help. YOU can bring down those barriers by increasing your awareness about mental illness symptoms and treatment at www.nami.org. Pfeiffer Institute Reach helps bring down barriers by providing accessible and affordable individual, couple, and family therapy to members of the community. All of us can work to break down the stigma by encouraging those we care about to get help when needed, and being willing to reach out ourselves. Reach for a better tomorrow at Pfeiffer Institute Reach!

Parenting and Prepare/Enrich

Does this picture look familiar: Angry and frustrated parent trying to get across to a child who seems to be resistant and disrespectful? If that's you - or if you worry that could be you in the future - Pfeiffer Institute Reach has a few ways to help.

1. FREE Parenting Workshop: On Saturday, September 20, there will be a FREE Parenting Workshop focused on appropriate discipline and building a positive relationship with your child. At the same time, there will be a workshop for children ages 6-12 where kids can learn about emotional regulation in a fun and creative environment. Call 919-941-2900 today to reserve your place at the workshop.

2. Couple or family therapy focused on kids and parents: You can schedule an appointment with a Therapist Intern who is trained to talk to you, your-co-parent, and your kids about how to make family life better. No matter the issue - going to bed at a reasonable hour, getting homework done, relationships with siblings or peers, communication among family members - sitting down with someone trained to help can be a great investment of time and money that really pays off in the near and distant future.

3. Prepare/Enrich, the online relationship assessment tool, has a new version specifically to help couples with parenting issues. Maybe you and your partner have different parenting styles, maybe you're creating a blended family, or maybe you need to strengthen communication with your children and partner. Remember, Pfeiffer Institute Reach has nine Therapist Interns trained as Prepare/Enrich facilitators. You can meet with them to go over your Prepare/Enrich Parenting Version results and decide what's going to work best for your family in the future.

Don't have kids yet? You can take the "regular" version of Prepare/Enrich and find out more about your own approach and your partner's.

Make the first step to improve your family relationships - Call Pfeiffer Institute Reach today!

More Therapist Interns Trained in Prepare/Enrich

This past weekend, four Therapist Interns participated in a training workshop which qualified them as Prepare/Enrich Facilitators. This brings us to a grand total of NINE trained facilitators. What does this mean for you? I'll let the creators speak for themselves (this information is copied from the website; emphases mine).

     PREPARE/ENRICH is the leading relationship inventory and skill-building program used nationally and internationally.  It is built on a solid research foundation and significantly improves a couple's relationship. PREPARE/ENRICH is custom tailored to a couple's relationship and provides couple exercises to build their relationship skills.
     The main component of the program is an online survey you each complete in about 30-45 minutes. PREPARE/ENRICH is not just any survey. The items you respond to are based on research and are intended to help you identify the unique strengths and potential growth areas of your premarital or married relationship. You'll meet with a facilitator trained to provide feedback by helping you understand your results and learn important relationship skills. Built on a solid research foundation, PREPARE/ENRICH has been improved and refined over the years to become one of the best, most effective, easy-to-use relationship assessment tools available.
     PREPARE/ENRICH is a customized couple assessment completed online that identifies a couple's strength and growth areas. It is one of the most widely used programs for premarital counseling and premarital education. It is also used for marriage counseling, marriage enrichment, and dating couples considering engagement. Based on a couple's assessment results, a trained facilitator provides 4-8 feedback sessions in which the facilitator helps the couple discuss and understand their results as they are taught proven relationship skills.

Did this sound interesting to you? At Pfeiffer Institute Reach, you can work with a Therapist Intern trained as a Prepare/Enrich Facilitator for a low per-session cost ($30, with a sliding scale for those in need). There are even specialized versions of Prepare/Enrich for couples considering adopting or fostering a child, and for any couples who are parents. The assessment itself is $35. A minor monetary investment in a priceless relationship!

FREE Parenting Workshop with Bonus Children's Workshop

Pfeiffer Institute Reach is offering a FREE workshop designed to help parents learn skills that will improve their relationships with their children.

·       opening channels of communication

·       parenting styles

·       managing inappropriate behaviors

·       setting boundaries

The workshop is open to parents and caregivers; those who attend will receive a voucher for one FREE therapy session.

There will be a FREE children’s workshop for ages 6-12, which is designed to improve skills such as communication and emotional self-regulation in a fun and creative way. 

Saturday

September 20, 2014

10:00AM – 12:00PM

Reserve your seat today!

Pfeiffer Institute Reach

600 Airport Blvd

Suite 600

Morrisville, NC

919-941-2900

contact@pfeifferreach.org

Adult Children of Addicts

by Milliann Abrams, Reach Therapist Intern

The field of Marriage and Family therapy takes a systemic approach when viewing an issue. For example, when a family member is sick, we see that the illness and its impact spread further than the individual. This is exemplified in the research of adult children of alcoholics or addicts (ACoA). There is an assumption that if an alcoholic gets well, then the family will get well. This outdated belief focuses on the individual problem but not its impact on those close to the individual.

Research shows that growing up with an addicted parent has a profound influence on a child’s thoughts, attitudes, perceptions, feelings, worldview, etc. In addition, half of the children grow up to also suffer from an addiction themselves. Why does this happen? They do not drink. It is because the impact of another’s drinking still has an impact on us. We develop an experience with alcohol, even after the addiction is treated, even after we grow up. We see this systemic impact.

Reading this and wonder if you are an ACoA? Here are some common identifying traits:
1. ACoA guess at what normal behavior is.
2. ACoA have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. ACoA lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. ACoA judge themselves without mercy.
5. ACoA have difficulty having fun.
6. ACoA take themselves very seriously.
7. ACoA have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. ACoA overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. ACoA constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. ACoA usually feel that they are different from other people.
11. ACoA are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
12. ACoA are super responsible or super irresponsible.
13. ACoA are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

All of the research on ACoA shows different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, genders, and ages, but one common theme is commitment to self-growth. For additional information, help with self-growth, or to talk to someone familiar with this population set up an appointment with a Pfeiffer Institute Reach Therapist Intern today at (919) 941-2900 or go to pfeifferreach.org.
Information summarized from Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woitiz.

SPECIAL ANNOUCEMENT: On Thursday, July 10, Pfeiffer Institute Reach will host the first in a series of workshops about ACoA. The workshop is for family, friends, relatives, and employers of addicts. It will be a time to learn and talk about what happens to the children of addicts when they grow up, and what it means to be the child of an addict. Attendees will gain knowledge, understanding, and life skills. To reserve your place at the workshop, contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach at 919-941-2900 or contact@pfeifferreach.org.

Help! My Child is Diagnosed with ADD!

by Nate Sawyer, Reach Therapist Intern

      What do you do when your child’s teacher sends home a note that says she keeps acting up in class and cannot complete her work? She talks to other children too much, cannot pay attention, and will not complete her schoolwork. Parents often go to one of two extremes: "that is not my kid causing trouble, she just has an overzealous teacher, [child] just has too much energy," or "I cannot deal with her anymore, let's get her to the doctor and see if we can get some medicine!" Unfortunately, many well-meaning parents end up getting ADHD medication for their children from doctors willing to prescribe without trying the most difficult route of affecting their child's behaviors at home. As a therapist and husband to first grade teacher, I see this disturbing trend of over-medicated children. My wife has said that many of her teacher and educational researcher colleagues agree that much of what children are expected to learn in our educational system, especially in elementary school, is not always developmentally age appropriate.
So what do you do when your child is overly energetic? There are a few helpful behavior encouragement techniques to try at home before going to the doctor. In school, teachers often set-up a reward system where stickers are earned for good behavior after a certain agreed upon number are acquired the child receives a prize from the prize box. The most important aspects of this system are clear communication of expectations, follow through, and consistency. It is important for parents to make a big deal and celebrate desired behavior because it will encourage continued good behavior.
       Our technologically-driven society has encouraged a lot less physical activity or time outside, which can lead to much unused energy in children from sitting on the couch watching TV. Parents should schedule regular outdoor play or physical activity into their child's routine.
      Establishing a routine of eating, sleeping, play, and homework is crucial to helping children focus and have continuity in what they do. Children need to be given tasks and goals such as homework or chores to learn how to feel accomplished and how to follow through with projects. The sticker system is helpful to reward completed tasks. It is especially important to give children with tendencies of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD tasks to complete because this is often difficult for them to see things to completion.
       If you try some of these activities and still notice that your child has difficulty paying attention at home and school then you might want to talk to your child's pediatrician about therapy or medication. Medication can be helpful for some who cannot focus, but in order for it to be successful it requires some parenting work, as well. We help lots of parents at Reach, with all kinds of parenting issues. Hang in there parents; talk to their teacher, work with them at home, get some support at Reach, and your hard work might pay off. The difficulty for parents with hyperactive children is often the amount of patience required for the task! Hang in there parents, keep up the hard work, and think of the potential your little one holds!

Raising a Child with Autism: Helpful Tips and Coping Strategies

By Leah Leynor, Reach Therapist Intern 

If you are raising a child with Autism you may often feel stressed, lonely, overwhelmed, and uncertain of what challenges might await you in the days, weeks, or months ahead. Many days might seem like a balancing act as you are trying to focus upon your autistic child as well as the needs of your other family members. It may also seem as though you are misunderstood and that others around do not seem to understand the effects that autism has had upon your family’s life. According to one parent of a special needs child on what she wished the others knew, “I would probably say the stress and impact that autism has on a family structure and marriages. You have to be care giver, therapist, educator, lawyer, maid, and referee at all times your marriage is impacted because you have no energy for one another. You feel guilty because you feel you are neglecting your typical child in some way or fashion because you are doing so much for your autistic child.”

We at Pfeiffer Institute Reach are here to help you find support, develop productive methods to communicate with your spouse and others, and learn strategies to include siblings that will help strengthen family relationships. We will also help you figure out what is or is not working in your routine and schedule that may prove beneficial in providing some of the stability and structure that helps your autistic child to cope with his / her day as well as allows your family to function. We are able to also assist you in working on behavior plans that may include consequences/rewards or incentive charts to promote positive behaviors in your children. It is our hope that you are able to feel supported, understood, and empowered as you continue your journey parenting a child with autism.

If you are impacted by raising a child with Autism, we at Pfeiffer Institute Reach are happy to help you by providing support, education, and coping strategies as you work towards a positive future with your child. Contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach today at 919-941-2900 to RSVP for our free workshop on Raising a Child with Autism: Helpful Tips and Coping Strategies on Thursday, May 22nd and May 24th from 6-8pm.  We look forward to working with you!

Pets for Companionship

by Liberty D. Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

There may be times in our lives when we are either too busy to have an intimate relationship or we just don’t want one. Perhaps our last relationship ended terribly and we’re still reeling from the pain, or maybe we are at a point in our lives when we are busy proving to the world (and ourselves) that we have things under control. We’re doing it. We’re independent. We don’t need anyone… until the time comes when proving to ourselves just how self-sufficient we are actually becomes a little lonely.

How do we deal with those evenings when our friends are busy, on vacation, or just not able to hang out and chat?  What can help this temporary feeling of loneliness? For some of us, our pets are the cure for those now and again blues.

Coming home from a long day at school or work can be made so much better when you have a loving pet waiting for you at the door. (Even cats get excited their owner is home – though they may not always act like it.) Pets are said to add years to our lives, as well as happiness to our hearts.  Their unconditional love reminds us that we are lovable and capable of loving, and as they help us remember our ability to love, their constant needing to be cleaned up after can help us stay grounded and remember that we actually do have a responsibility to another living being.

Pets are a commitment. The decision to get a pet is the decision to commit your life to this animal for however long he (or she) lives. It is making sure he stays healthy, gets his shots, is groomed, and well taken care of. More than anything, it is making sure he is loved and happy. If you can make a commitment to love another being for its entire lifetime, you are committing to something that can be time-consuming, exhausting, and so very rewarding.

Whether you get a puppy in its teething and potty-training stage (pure frustration), or get a kitten who enjoys climbing up drapes and clawing every piece of furniture you own (ugh), being a pet owner is not always easy and it is certainly not always cheap. However, the companionship you get from a dog or a cat is almost always amazing. If you don’t have the time or patience for a “baby,” consider adopting an older pet. Although they may come with their own issues, they are often easier (and less expensive to adopt!) than very young animals.

How does one become a successful pet parent? There are no set rules, but here are a few quick tips on better pet parenting.

1. Feed the little guy. Make sure your pet is always fed nutritious food and has fresh water available at all times.

2. Keep her healthy. Make sure she stays clean, gets her shots, is groomed, and has her yearly exams every single year. Have your vet on speed dial. Be very aware of how your pet acts normally, and take her to the vet if she doesn't seem to be acting like herself.

3. Play. Animals have energy and they need to release it! The best way for this to occur is for you to make time to play with your pet, take him for walk, go to the dog park, get a box and throw paper balls into it - cats love that and it’s cheap!

4. Love, love, love them. Whether your pet is young or old, the one thing they need more than anything (other than food and water), is love. You are their world; they love you and just want that love given back to them.

Pets can be work, but the love they give and the companionship they offer just might be what you need.

If you want to work on becoming more independent, or if you’re reeling from the pain of a break-up, or even the loss of a pet, the therapist interns at Pfeiffer Institute Reach are available to help you be the best you, just call us for an appointment at (919) 941-2900.

“Good Enough” Health??

By Jacquie Beech, Reach Therapist Intern

     If the bar is set to perfection, who will reach it?? Who will even attempt it?? But, what if the bar was set to “good enough??”  Would more people reach for it?? I believe so.
     This concept of “good enough” has been applied in a number of ways by many researchers, psychologists, therapist, counselors, etc. – good enough parenting, good enough marriage, and good enough sex, for example.  May not sound very appealing, but might actually be a roundabout way of making things better.  The idea is that if we have the mindset that things have to be perfect, then upon realizing “perfect” won’t happen, many people give up.  However, if we set the bar to something humanly possible, more people might just give it a shot.
     Life in today’s world is often full of never ending to do lists, splitting one’s time and spreading oneself so thin that nothing ends up getting done well.  In that case, the answer may sometimes be to give up trying altogether.  Why bother??  However, what if we adjust our mindset?? For example, if we say that my house may not be “perfect” but by throwing in a load of laundry before I leave for work, it will be “better.”  I may not be able to spend all the time I want with my kids (in my ideal image of the “perfect” family) – but I can sneak out and grab breakfast with my kid since my boss said we can come in late today.   Doesn’t mean I am a “perfect” parent, but it does mean I had some unstructured, free time with my kid.  I don’t eat the “perfect” diet, but I can cut back on how much sugar I put in my coffee each day – that does mean my health is better.  At the end of the day, my laundry is further ahead than it was, I ended up spending an unplanned morning with my kid, and my sugar intake was better – in all of those areas:  not “perfect,” but “good enough.”
     These are a handful of ways that we can come to more realistic applications of what we can do and maybe leave some time open to enjoy the life we are living.  Here are some more ways to achieve “good enough” status:

• Try meditating.  Research studies show over and over that meditation is good for our mood, immune system, coping with stress, and improves the quality of our relationships.  We may not become a Zen Buddhist, but by meditating 3-5 minutes per day, we get started on improving all those areas.  (And, who knows, over time, maybe we get up to 20 or 30 minutes of meditation!)
• Walk more.  Feeling like we aren’t able to do the 5 am workout at the gym may lead us to believe we are failures in our physical well-being, therefore, why try?? What if we start by parking where we’d have to walk more or take the stairs or walk during lunch – not “perfect” shape, but better.
• Eat healthier.  We may feel inundated by various diets and foods to eat or foods to avoid, etc.  We probably all have a basic idea of what it would mean in our own lives to eat healthier – one slice of pizza instead of 2 or 3; cut out one soda per day, add a smoothie for breakfast.  None of these in and of themselves will change our overall weight or health in a week, but doing one of these will make us healthier than we were before and if it’s a manageable change (versus a drastic one like “I won’t eat any more sugar EVER”) it’s more likely to continue
• Ease off electronics where possible.  It may not be reasonable (or possible) to live without a computer or a smart phone, but we can do it for an hour a day or at the dinner table.  

     The point is, the idea of “good enough” gives us enough mental space where we don’t feel like we have to be perfect, which can sometimes lead to giving up entirely.  The idea of “good enough” might be just enough motivation to help us do that one extra chore or spend a few minutes doing one thing that’s a little healthier and we end up doing far more than we thought possible.
     “Good enough” is another way of introducing balance into our lives.  One of the services we offer at Reach is to help people discover their own balance – what’s healthy for YOU, what change is possible for YOU.  Come visit us at Reach to have a partner as you make “good enough” even better.  What are more areas where you can make your life “good enough?”

Postpartum Depression Workshop and Walk

In coordination with Climb Out of the Darkness, an organization that raises awareness about Postpartum Depression (PPD), Pfeiffer Institute Reach will be facilitating a therapeutic workshop on Wednesday, April 16, from 6-8pm. The workshop is for women affected with PPD, as well as their family members. During this workshop we will discuss the affects of PPD as well as possible coping mechanisms and supports for women and their families.  To register for the workshop please call 919.941.2900 or e-mail contact@pfeifferreach.org. 

Climb Out of the Darkness will be hosting a walk on Saturday, June 21, 9:00 am at Shelley Lake in Raleigh. To register for the walk 

1. Go to http://www.crowdrise.com/COTD2014
2. Click 'Register', and select 'Join A Climb'. We are the North Carolina - Raleigh group.
3. Tell everyone you know to help out!

Lets help the women we love! 

Allowing Ourselves to Grieve

by Liberty Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

We all experience grief at some point in our lives. It can be grief for the loss of a family pet, grief for the dreams we once had, or it can be grief over the loss of a loved one. The one thing in common with all types of grief is that it hurts.

Because we all grieve differently and in our own time frame, the pain related to our loss may occur immediately, intermittently over the years, or it may sneak up on us when we least expect it. Maybe while looking through a photo album you see a picture of your lost loved one, and the tears flow and the emotions are real, and the pain is raw.

Often, we don’t know how to deal with such heavy emotions. Some of us can compartmentalize and keep the pain separate from our everyday responsibilities, but some of us cannot separate ourselves from the pain of our loss and the memories of our loved one. We are left feeling alone and empty and wondering what to do and how to move forward.

The most important thing to remember is that regardless of how strongly or how long you feel your pain, it is your pain, and it is not abnormal to feel sad for an extended period of time. No one can control how long you hurt, even you can’t control it. There is hope though, and there are ways to work through your pain.

First, we must allow ourselves to experience all of the emotions involved with loss. We have to let ourselves feel sad because our loved one is no longer here. We are allowed to feel anger and hurt, sorrow and loneliness; we are even allowed to feel relief that our loved one no longer hurts and feel happiness at memories we may have shared. None of these feelings are abnormal. It is okay to allow yourself to feel these emotions, and to allow yourself time to heal.

The one thing we cannot let ourselves do in our grief, is get stuck. Often, we are so sad that we forget to remember that we are still alive; we still have responsibilities and people who love us and who need our love. We cannot let ourselves be so bound with pain that we let it wrap itself around us and take us with it. No. We must continue to live our lives and learn how to live without the one we lost. This is not an easy thing to do, but you can do it and we can help.

If you find yourself stuck in sadness and unable to get through the loss of someone you loved, please contact the Pfeiffer Institute Reach at (919) 941-2900, we will go through this with you. You are not alone.

Parenting a Child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder

by Milliann Abrams, Reach Therapist Intern

March 30th to April 5th marks National Autism Awareness Week!!

Having a child with this disorder can be tough for everyone involved. Listed below are some helpful tips.
 Being on the same page. Having a congruent parenting team is effective in helping the child to manage and reduce symptoms.
     o It is important for parents to communicate with each other and to make sure you both enforce the same rewards and consequences. One helpful way to do this is to make a list of positive and negative behaviors and what their rewards and consequences will be. These are also proven to be more effective when the child is enlisted to think of some rewards.
 Consistency
     o Following a schedule is helpful to children diagnosed with autism. For example: Having a set bed time, a set time for homework, and a set time for free time.
 Consequences & Rewards
     o If a child exhibits an inappropriate behavior, have a system of consequences in place, the same goes for rewards! If a child does his/her chores the first time you ask, give them verbal praise. It will increase the chances of that behavior happening again.
 Check-Ins
     o Check in with all those involved to see what is working or not working for the child, or for helpful ideas. That can include any doctors, the school, coaches, friends, anyone involved in the child’s life
 Age Appropriate
    o Make sure any chores, tasks, rewards, or consequences are age-appropriate for the child. Each child goes through different developmental stages, so it is important to make sure that child understands.
 Effectiveness
    o If a child loves watching television, then that would be appropriate to reward them with, or to take away television time as a consequence. If a child doesn’t normally watch a lot of television, than there may be a better incentive to reward them with to increase their motivation.
 Talk
    o Talk to each other. It is important to have open communication.
 Self Care
    o Parenting a child is stressful, it is important for both parents to take time to care for themselves and de-stress.

During National Autism Awareness Week, Reach is offering the first session free to anyone with a family member diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. To schedule an appointment , please contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach today: (919) 941-2900 or www.pfeifferreach.org.

Tips on Parenting in the Adolescent Years

by Jacquie Beech, Reach Therapist Intern

There’s a big difference between parenting a child who is 12 versus one who is 18, and certainly it’s best to use these tips sooner than later.  But anytime is a good time to start changing behavior for the better!  The following tips are meant to be used as suggestions and do not take the place of therapy or emergency procedures – should the need arise.

1)  Open Doors.  The adolescent years, in particular, present real life ethical dilemmas for our kids to practice their decision-making, gain information about important topics, and develop their own values.  If you want to be a resource to help your adolescent in these areas, this won’t spontaneously occur WHEN the situation arises.  Plant lots of seeds about your desire to be available and be sure to walk the walk when it happens.  Don’t get carried away on the soap box on every little thing.  The smaller dilemmas may be a testing ground for them to see that you really mean you are there to be a resource for their development.  Here’s the caveat to that…

2)  Remove Doors.  “Opening Doors’ does NOT mean to be a door mat.  When there’s a behavior that is punishable, follow through.  One of the most effective punishments I have seen (and heard from adolescents) is the removal of their door.  Keep in mind that punishment is most effective when it is immediate, consistent, and appropriate. (And, the Goldilocks principle of “just right” applies here – long enough to make the point, but not too long where they figure out that being extremely LOUD in their room will want to make you put the door back on.)

That is, the punishment should fit the crime and if you SAY you are going to punish for X offense, DO it so they know your word is valid.  And, one warning seems reasonable.  For example, slamming their bedroom door may be such an offense in your home.  Let the adolescent know the door will be removed if there is another incident of slamming it.  (I recommend once you voice the warning, check to make sure you have the tools to remove the door and have a place in mind for where you will store the door once you remove it – as it really takes away the sting if you have to walk around the house looking for a place to put said door!)  Now, in relation to that…

3)  Reinforcement Usually Works Better than Punishment.  While punishment aims at decreasing an undesired behavior, reinforcement seeks to shape the desired one.  Refer to the bumper sticker you’ve likely seen, “Wag more; bark less.”

Incidentally, if we are barking less, we have more time to…

4)  Listen Listen Listen.  Adolescents are not typically known for initiating rich, flowing, lengthy conversations with parents (although some do!).  However, when they do talk – listen.  When you have the opportunity to hear them talking with their friends – listen.  When you are tempted to say what they’re doing wrong and how you suggest they do it better – just listen.  Keep listening.  Their brains are on fire developing during this time and they need to talk it out.  Be an example in how you live your life – they see it.  They see everything even if they don’t say it.  But in the meantime, practice listening so you can learn more about who your child is and how he/she is developing.  Once they see that you genuinely want to hear what they have to say, they just might want to…

5)  Spend Time Together.  Many adolescents typically don’t like engaging in endless (or any) conversation about chores, grades, homework, etc., even though that may be a necessary evil.  But they do like to hang out with their parent(s) in casual, low-key, fun ways.  Pay attention to what your child likes to do – perhaps a TV show you have in common.   Try to begin a ritual where you do it together and purposely DON’T talk about any of the above mentioned topics – just enjoy each other.  Start out in small increments where you both enjoy it and then walk away and look forward to the next time.

Our time with our kids seems to get cut exponentially once they become teenagers.  And, realistically we may know progressively less about how they spend their time.  For many parents, during the elementary and middle school years, you used to drop them off places and talk to other parents and stay very involved.  That may likely become scarce as their independence grows.  We just have to find different ways to stay involved as they become adults and learn to handle their lives on their own. It is the natural order of things (even if we feel we could do a better job of living their life :)

Come see us at Reach where we will help you to adjust to the changing needs of you, your child, and your family as everyone develops and grows.

Daylight Savings Time and Beating the Winter Blues

by Leah Leynor, Reach Therapist Intern

Spring is almost here! Recently, we all turned our clocks forward by an hour and lost an hour of sleep for Daylight Savings Time (DST). Losing an hour of sleep is most definitely not an enjoyable event, however, DST signals that the gray, dreary, chilly, and snowy winter is just about over! With spring on the horizon, now is a great time to emerge from hibernation and welcome a new season. For some, this may feel like and easy and welcome change and for others, the change in season may feel difficult if not impossible. When someone feels depressed, unmotivated, irritable, and lacking in energy, he / she is feeling the winter blues. Other symptoms could include the following: overeating/weight gain, lack of focus or concentration, withdrawal from social activities, and a decreased desire for sex.

Many individuals will magically beat the winter blues the instant that spring officially arrives, yet for some even spring is not enough to jolt them from the seasonal doldrums. If the winter blues has you down and you are hoping to beat the blues, there are a few ways to do it. First and foremost, get enough sleep! It may be getting lighter outside, but being well rested and keeping a schedule may help alleviate feelings of irritability and grogginess. Second, exercise! It might seem grueling to exercise when you feel a lack of motivation, however, science tells us that exercise releases endorphins and that helps create a better mood. Next, you might consider some spring cleaning. It is possible that feeling organized and reducing the clutter helps improve your mood. Also, try to get back into the social scene. Even though it is tempting to avoid your friends and family, attempting to get yourself back into your favorite social activities may help brighten your outlook. Finally, if it does not feel as though you welcome spring and are still stuck in the winter blues, you may also seek counseling. Counseling may help you work through your symptoms as well as manage the stress that suffering from the winter blues brings.

If you are feeling stuck with the winter blues, we at Pfeiffer Institute Reach are happy to help you work through feelings of depression as well as assist in formulating a beneficial stress management plan to get you back on track! Contact Pfeiffer Institute Reach today at 919-941-2900.  We look forward to working with you!

Ready to Spring Forward?

by Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT
Clinic Director

If you're like me, you're probably quite ready for this winter to be over! I can't remember the last time the South got this much snow, ice, sleet, and just GRAY. Here at Pfeiffer Institute Reach, we're going to encourage the new season to appear by hosting Spring Forward, a FREE workshop for couples, on Monday, March 10, from 6-8pm. Participants can be at any relationship stage -- dating, engaged, cohabiting, married, with or without children. The workshop will be an interactive and educational opportunity to learn about communication skills, trust, and sex! Childcare will be provided, and you will have the opportunity to schedule an appointment with a Therapist Intern to discuss what you learned about your relationship and how you can implement your new skills.

Please RSVP so we know how many people to prepare for. Call 919-941-2900 and tell us you're ready to Spring Forward!

Also remember that you should move your clocks ahead (spring forward!) this Sunday, March 9.

Spring Forward FREE Couples Workshop, Monday, 3/10, 6-8pm

Whether you need some help tuning in, or just a relationship tune up, join us on March 10th at Pfeiffer Institute Reach for our Spring Forward Couples Workshop. We will spend two hours discussing communication, trust, and sex! For couples who have been together for years or decades and couples who are just starting out, this workshop will teach you new ways to overcome common issues and help you to keep your relationship fresh.  Please call to reserve your spot today! Childcare provided.

Can a Kid in a Candy Store Be Rational?

by Nate Sawyer, Reach Therapist Intern

     I was walking through the grocery store the other day when all of the sudden I heard this horrible shrieking and yelling. The noise was so loud, sustained, and obnoxious that I had to find it’s source. I peered around the corner of the cereal isle like a spy trying not to be too obvious. I saw what appeared to be a four or five year old boy flailing around on the floor and screaming. He was violent as if someone had stabbed him in the back with a knife! The child was reaching for something that his parents would not allow him to have. His parents were clearly not giving into his demands, so as he followed them walking away, I thought the war was over; nope it was only getting started. The child continued screaming and yelling following his parents around the store yelling so loud that everyone could hear his every move. I must say that this was probably the closest to a shopping trip from hell that I have ever experienced.

     But what does a parent do? Do they give in to stop the carnage or fight the good fight as they lose their hearing and dignity slowly?
   
      Every parent has likely encountered a similar battle at some point in his or her child-rearing career. How should I respond, do I respond, how can I keep my cool? For many parents, the response is one of mirroring their child by yelling, “because I said so,” or ignoring them, much like the incident in the grocery store. What should the response be? I suggest that ignoring or taking what appears to be the easy way out, is not the answer. Many children are developing their emotions and cognitions craving someone to explain, reason, and create boundaries with their growing intellect. The parent needs to be clear with the child why they are not getting what they want. I realize that this is easier said then done. In the heat of the moment, it is important for parents to not simply just react. Being proactive in incidents such as these can serve as a teaching moment for the growing little one. These teaching moments can help a kid in a candy store be rational and possibly spare embarrassing tantrums in the future.

Making the Move

By Liberty D. Riley, Reach Therapist Intern

Moving is stressful. Whether you’re moving across town, across the state, or across the country, there is no getting around it: moving is stressful. From trying to hook up the dryer, to figuring out how to organize your food pantry, there are certain tasks that tend to be relationship testers. The good news is that there are ways to reduce the stress involved with moving.

Plan: The best way to alleviate relocation stress is to plan ahead. Try to allow yourself enough time to create and effectuate a well-thought out moving strategy.  Get together with your loved one, have a meeting of the minds, and gather together a list of tasks that must be accomplished to make the move a success. (Which utilities need to be turned on/off and when? Who will be available to let the cable person come in and hook up the internet? Who will order the U-Haul?)

Prioritize: Another way to help alleviate stress is to prioritize what must be done vs. what can be done later.  The utilities must be turned on in order to be able to function and be warm in your new home (that’s a priority!). Having the internet hooked up so one can surf the web can likely be done later.

De-clutter: One way to make sure your move is a success is to de-clutter. No one wants to move two boxes of old newspapers and junk mail to the new place; it’s too labor intensive and a waste of good back strength! Before the move, go through each room and get rid of the junk. Pare down. Toss what isn't needed, sentimental, or useful.

Organize: Once the clutter is gone, you can more clearly assess the situation, see what needs to go with you, and decide about how many boxes you are actually going to need. Completing this task room by room helps avoid feelings of being overwhelmed, and when each room is done, the feelings of accomplishment help promote forward progress.

Self-care: The most important thing to take care of in a move (big or small), are the people involved. If children are a part of the move, make sure they feel that they are an integral part of what is happening, and that any feelings of sadness are recognized, validated, and tended to. As for the adults, make sure to take the time you need to de-stress, relax, and just be with the people you love.

If your relationship has been tested by a move or any other major life event, please contact the Pfeiffer Institute Reach at (919) 941-2900. We will help get you moving in the right direction.

Decisions, Decisions

By Leah Leynor, Reach Therapist Intern 

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Decisions are often difficult, aren’t they? We are faced with decisions almost every moment of every day in our lives. The decisions we are faced with range from the mundane of whether or not to have a cup of coffee in the morning (for some people this might be a necessity), to what meals we will eat that day, and various decisions or choices that span almost anything. Are these decisions easy? It depends. Since we are all individuals with different life circumstances, some decisions and choices could be more difficult than others. Depending upon the importance or nature of the decision, the decision has the potential to be paralyzing. There are three choices that may be considered when faced with an anxiety-provoking life decision:

1. Do the right thing – Easier said than done; however, we can try to make the best decisions possible for ourselves and those around us if we take a moment to think about how we feel the potential decisions might turn out. Is there a fail-proof way to “choose” the right thing? No. Hopefully, with careful consideration, the decision made and action taken will result in the best possible scenario.

2. Do the wrong thing – Sometimes we might make the wrong decision. Does it feel good? No. Is it possible to move past the decision if it did not work out? Yes. Having said that, the beauty of life is that we not only have the ability to make the right decisions, but also the wrong ones! What is this called? Opportunity. Even though we might have made a decision and weren’t happy with the results, so long as we recognize that we have the opportunity and the freedom to make choices for ourselves, that can make all the difference.

3. Do nothing – Often, making a decision is so anxiety-provoking that one may choose to do nothing at all. Is this the right decision? Maybe. Is this the wrong decision? Maybe. It depends upon the situation and the people involved, however, if one does not overcome anxiety and fear, s/he may be stuck with decisions that others made and results s/he does not want.

If you are faced with life decisions and would like to explore your options to make the best choices for you, contact us at Pfeiffer Institute Reach. We are here to help!

Why Seek Therapy

by Jacquie Beech, Reach Therapist Intern

        For decades, therapy was often assumed to be "reserved" for the severely mentally ill – those who were schizophrenic or for whatever reason, were seen as unable to handle their own life.  As a result of that stigma, some may feel that if they attend therapy, it must mean they are severely mentally disturbed or unable to handle their own lives.  However, around the 1960s and 1970s, psychologists and therapists began to look at mental health in a new way, a more realistic way – it is NOT an all or nothing thing.  There was a shift in the mental health field.  It is not that we are either severely mentally ill OR perfectly healthy and happy.  They began to see the space in between, where most of us live – that sometimes during our lives, we could use some help in managing relationships, stress, transitions, job loss, death, dealing with long term illness, parenting difficulties, day to day anxiety, adjusting to coming back from serving in the military, and many other challenges like these.  Mental health counseling still includes and is helpful for severe mental illness but has also come to include everyone who is dealing with … life.  

        At Pfeiffer Institute Reach clinic, therapy provides:

• A safe place to say exactly how you feel without being judged

• Space to talk about the topics that are important to you

• Time for your own personal growth

• An unbiased, caring person who can help you to connect the pieces of what’s going on in order to help you see your way through difficult times

• A place for individuals, couples, and families to come together to work out differences in a safe and fair way – where everyone’s voice is heard

At Reach, we do not provide the answers for you.  We know that you are the expert on your own life.  What we can do is help you to sort out what is going on, to see things more clearly, perhaps in a new way, so that solutions begin to emerge out of our time together. What is unique about our approach at Reach is we are trained in how to work successfully with couples and families as well as individuals.  With couples and families, we provide communication skills that you take with you to use as situations arise in the future.  Come visit us – we are a community resource here to help!

February: The Month of Couples

by Milliann Abrams
   
     As February is now upon us, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. It is a holiday that couples spend together, celebrating their love. It is also a time to think about what factors go into that relationship to make it so successful. Communication, trust, and commitment are certainly important qualities in maintaining a successful relationship. What else maintains that successful, satisfying relationship? Closeness? Satisfaction? Intimacy? Happiness? Similarity? Differentness?

     Each couple is unique. What works for one couple might not work for another. It is important to be aware of your own needs and wants and also your partners when in a romantic relationship. One way to do this is through check-ins with your partner, spending time addressing how you both feel about the relationship.

     Hitting speed bumps or obstacles can be common in romantic relationships, especially new ones where both partners are still learning about each other and what it means to be a couple. Resolving those issues successfully is key to a healthy functioning relationship where both partners are satisfied.

     Sometimes relationships get tested, but these factors help to keep couples bonded. If you are struggling with any of these elements, want to strengthen your bond with your partner, need help resolving any obstacles, or are just curious, Pfeiffer Institute Reach offers Prepare/Enrich assessments and therapy for couples. Make an appointment to see a Prepare/ and Enrich- trained therapist intern today!

New Year; New You

by Mackenzie Toland, Reach Therapist Intern

The semester is almost over for the clinicians here at Pfeiffer Institute Reach. We are finishing up finals and starting to prepare for next semester. It is starting to feel like renewal here at school and just in time for New Years. New Years is coming up at the end of the month and it is time to start thinking up some resolutions. The New Year is a great time for change and a great time to start new beginnings.
According to the University of Scranton in 2012 the top ten most popular New Year’s Resolutions are:
1 Lose Weight
2 Getting Organized
3 Spend Less, Save More
4 Enjoy Life to the Fullest
5 Staying Fit and Healthy
6 Learn Something Exciting
7 Quit Smoking
8 Help Others in Their Dreams
9 Fall in Love
10 Spend More Time with Family

According to the same study, of the 45% of American’s who make a New Year’s Resolution only 8% follow through with them. Change is not easy as many of us know through experience. Almost all of us can probably look back at past New Years and remember our resolutions lasting either a few weeks or a few months after we made them.
Here are some helpful suggestions about how to make your New Year’s Resolution last. First things first, this list has very broad Resolutions. Broad Resolutions are great and help us to get our ideas out and general desires expressed but they don’t really hold us accountable. It is important to break our broad goal down into smaller, more realistic goals in order to make it more reasonable for ourselves.
        For example, “Getting Organized.” Let’s break it down and give ourselves a timeframe in which we can be successful.
Getting organized:
Ask yourself, ‘what do I want to get organized?’
1. The laundry room
2. The hall closet
3. My office at work
Then ask yourself, ‘what do I need to do to get organized?’
1. The laundry room- find a way to sort clothes, create space to iron, and conceal laundry soaps
2. The hall closet- organize toiletries/soaps, have matching towels, make things more accessible
2. My office at work- sort papers, create a filing system, and make materials more accessible
Alright! Now we are starting to get the hang of this, now ask yourself, ‘what do I need/need to do to achieve these goals?’ This is in bold.
1. The laundry room- find a way to sort clothes (find a hamper that sorts clothing), create space to iron (buy a smaller/hanging ironing board or move laundry room around), and conceal laundry soaps (get storage containers)
2. The hall closet- organize toiletries/soaps (get storage containers), have matching towels (sort towels by bathrooms), make things more accessible (keep extra toilet paper and towels in all the bathrooms)
2. My office at work- sort papers (sit down and sort out all the papers), create a filing system (get folders and a filing cabinet), and make materials more accessible (prioritize importance of items and put more important items closer to desk)
     Alright, now the last part is to designate a time frame that is reasonable and realistic for you. For the example above, doing one bold item every five weeks gets the whole job done in a year. If you want it all done in the beginning maybe you could take a day off of work to organize. The important thing is that it is reasonable for you and makes sense for your goal.
     Breaking down goals is a great way to make them more realistic. Remember you can do anything that you set your mind to. If you need some extra support with your resolution or help organizing your thoughts you can always come down to the Pfeiffer Institute Reach and we would be glad to give you a hand. With our affordable prices, what do you have to lose?

Make SMART Goals for Your Relationship!

by Laura Bryan, PhD, LMFT, Clinic Director

The beginning of the year is usually a time for making resolutions to improve -- your diet, your exercise, your time management, whatever the case may be. Sometimes resolutions are made to improve your relationship. Check out this podcast from Pfeiffer Institute Reach Clinic Director Laura Bryan for tips on how to make resolutions for your relationship that are likely to last all year long! If you would like help in making or keeping personal or relationship resolutions, contact Reach today: 919-941-2900 or www.pfeifferreach.org. 

Make it a great year -- Reach for a better tomorrow!